Jayne

Jayne: (of his new hat) How's it sit? Pretty cunning, don'tchya think?
Kaylee: "I think it's the sweetest hat ever."
Book: "Makes a statement."
Jayne: "Yeah, yeah!"
Wash: "A man walks down the street in that hat, people know he's not afraid of anything."
Jayne: "Damn straight."
     --The Message

Jayne: "Ten percent of nuthin' is...let me do the math here...nuthin' into nuthin'...carry the nuthin'..."
     --Serenity

Mal: "Jayne, your mouth is talking. You might wanna look to that."
     --Serenity

Jayne: "Testing, testing. Captain, can you hear me?"
Mal: "I'm standing right here."
Jayne: "You're coming through good and loud."
Mal: " 'Cause I'm standing right here."
     --Serenity

Wash: "Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!"
     --Serenity

Wash & dinosaurs

Zoë: I know something ain't right.
Wash: Sweetie, we're crooks. If everything were right, we'd be in jail.
     --Serenity

Zoe: “Sir, I think you have a problem with your brain being missing.”
      --The Train Job

Jayne: “Time for some thrilling heroics!”
     --The Train Job

Mal: “If I didn't know better, I'd think we were dangerous!”
     --Bushwacked

Kaylee: "Looks like they've jerry-rigged it with a pressure catch. It's the only thing that'd work with all these spare parts. We could probably bypass that easy, we get to the DC line."
Mal:  "You tell me right now, little Kaylee, you really think you can do this?"
Kaylee: "Sure. Yeah. I think so. 'Sides, if I mess up, not like you'll be able to yell at me."
     --Bushwacked

Serenity

Zoe: “Planet's coming up a mite fast.”
Wash: “That's just 'cause... I'm goin' down too quick! Likely crash and kill us all.”
Mal: “Well, that happens, let me know.”
Wash: “Ok.”
     --Shindig

Inara: “I like watching the game. Like a lot of situations, the key seems to be giving Jayne a heavy stick and standing back.”
     --Shindig

Wash: “I'll read a nice poem at the funeral, something with imagery.”
Zoe: “You could lock the door and keep the power-hungry maniac at bay!”
     --Shindig

Zoe: “If I'm gonna wear a dress, I'd want something with some 'slink'.”
Wash: “You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky dress! Captain, can I have money for a slinky dress?”
Jayne: “I'll chip in!”
Zoe: “I can hurt you.”
     --Shindig

River: “The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds, given adequate vacuuming systems.”
Mal: “See, morbid and creep-ifying I got no problem with, long as she does it quiet-like.”
     --Safe

Mal: "Well, look at this! Appears we got here just in the nick of time. Whaddya suppose that makes us?"
Zoe:  "Big damn heroes, sir."
Mal: "Ain't we just!"
     --Safe

Jayne: “Hi-ya, get along!”
Mal: “You know, they walk just as easy if you lead 'em.”
Jayne: “I like smackin' 'em!”
     --Safe

ZoeZoe: “Your disreputable men are here.”
Mal: “Better go take their money.”
     --Safe

Zoe: “The Captain'll come up with a plan.”
Kaylee: “That's good. Right?”
Zoe: “Possibly you're not recalling some of his previous plans.”
     --Safe

Jayne: “This place gives me an uncomfortableness.”
     --Safe

Mal: There's over 70 earths in this verse, and the meek have inherited not a one.
     --Our Mrs Reynolds

Jayne: “You gotta wife? All I got was that dumb-ass stick sounds like it's rainin', how come you got a wife?”
     --Our Mrs Reynolds

Zoe: Captain, everyone should have a chance to congratulate you on your day of bliss.
Mal: There's... there's no bliss. I don't know this girl.
Jayne: Then can I know her?
     --Our Mrs Reynolds

Mal: “You got the right, same as anyone, to live and try to kill people!
     --Our Mrs Reynolds

Saffron: “I've been too forward.”
Wash: “Noooo! Well, yes, but I actually like that in a woman.”
     --Our Mrs Reynolds

Jayne: “This is my very favorite gun.”
     --Our Mrs Reynolds

Jayne & Vera

Mal: “Well, my days of not takin' you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.”
     --Our Mrs Reynolds

Wash: “OK! Everybody not talking about sex, in here, everybody else, elsewhere!”
     --Our Mrs Reynolds

Simon: No, River, mei-mei. of course I love you too, but we can't be married. (to Book, mortified) She's... really crazy.
River kicks him in the shin.
Simon:
OW! I don't mean crazy - that's just not something brothers and sisters do. I mean on some planets, but only pretty bad ones.

Zoe: Remember that sex we were planning to have, ever again?
     --Our Mrs Reynolds

WashWash: Quaint!
     --Our Mrs Reynolds

Wash: “We gotta go to the crappy town where I'm a hero!”
     --Jaynestown

Jayne: “You guys had a riot? On account of me? My very own riot?”
     --Jaynestown

Jayne: “You gonna talk me to death, buddy? Is that the plan?”
     --Jaynestown

Book: “It's not about making sense. It's about believing in something.”
     --Jaynestown

Book: “You don't fix faith, River, it fixes you.”
     --Jaynestown

Mal: “And, despite our best efforts, ah, they... they kicked.”
     --Arial

SimonSimon: “What about cortical electrodes?”
Jayne: “Oh! ... We forgot 'em.”
     --Arial

Zoe: “You paid money for this, sir? On purpose?”
     --Out of Gas

Mal: “Ship like this, be with you 'til the day you die.”
Zoe: “Because it's a death trap.”
     --Out of Gas

Jayne: “Not as deceivin' as a low-down, dirty, ... deceiver.”
     --Out of Gas

Salesman: “I'll tell you what, you buy this ship, treat her proper, she'll be with you for the rest of your life.”
     --Out of Gas

Jayne: I'll be in my bunk.
     --War Stories

Jayne: Smellin' a lot of "if" comin' off this plan.
     --War Stories

Zoe: Jayne. This is something the Captain has to do for himself.
Mal: No! No, it's not!
Zoe: Oh.
     --War Stories

Mal: Ah, the pitter patter of tiny feet in huge combat boots.
     --War Stories

River: Also, I can kill you with my brain.
     --Trash

Serenity Crew

Mal: This is my first mate, Zoe. I'll introduce you to the rest in a bit. They're good folk.
Jayne: Can I start getting sexed already?
Mal: Well, that one's kind of horrific.
     --Heart of Gold

Inara: Every well-bred, petty crook knows that the small, concealable weapons always go to the far left of the place setting.
     --Heart of Gold

Jayne: Well...I don't like the idea of someone hearin' what I'm thinkin'.
Inara: No one likes the idea of hearing what you're thinking.
     --Objects in Space