I tend to mull over touchy subjects for awhile, before I write about them. I didn’t used to do this, but when I started writing here five years ago, I think Erin was the only person reading, so it didn’t much matter what I said.

But now I must consider that what I write may well be read by current and future employers, which makes certain subjects even more difficult to write about than they are already.

At the top of that list is the subject of mental illness.

The Virginia Tech shootings have brought the subject of mental illness back into the spotlight, and in the most negative light possible.

Now I admit that I am lucky in that my depression and obsessive compulsive disorder are relatively mild, but despite that I have at multiple times in my life seen psychologists and psychiatrists and been on a variety of medications. And through those times I have typically feared discussing these health issues with others.

At the root of that silence is a sense of shame and embarrassment.

Consider the phrase “it’s all in your head.” Well, yes. It is all in my head. But that doesn’t mean that I can control it, no matter how hard I try. During our pre-marital counseling, we were asked whether we had a history of mental illness, when I responded yes, I suffered from depression (I was still in denial about my OCD at that point) the response was basically, “no, I meant a real mental illness.” As if depression were something I could control. As if my depression were something that did not affect my relationships and my life.

Consider the attitude most people have about mental illness. I had a direct supervisor who repeatedly referred to one of the local mental health facilities as “the nuthouse” and constantly used other disparaging terms to refer to those who suffer from mental illness.

Now, as I again consider therapy and medication to help me deal with problems that are slowly spiraling out of my control, I am afraid let people know what is happening in my life. Afraid that they will think less of me for an inability to control something that’s “all in my head.” Afraid that they’ll see me as a threat and a danger.

Which brings me to the disclosure of the mental illness of the shooter. There is now a discussion about the treatment of mental illness.

It is possible this could be a good thing–that treatment for mental illness will be easier to receive, and will be better covered by health insurance companies.

But it could also lead to a greater ostracization of those who suffer from mental illness. That mental illness will become grounds for losing your job or being kicked out of school, for the “safety” of other students or co-workers. That it will become easier to commit someone with mental illness against their will.

And that most people won’t see a problem with either of those things.