Saturday, July 26, 2008
I Wish I Could…
A friend had an excellent post come pouring out, but did not want the post to appear on their own site, for fear of upsetting loved ones. So I am posting it here. I will also post any comments or responses the author has to make, anonymously, if the author so desires.
And I may steal the idea for a post of my own later.
This week, I was running on empty and had nothing to write, so I turned to a writing site for writing prompts. The one that caught my attention was:
“I wish I could…”
Right now, I wish I could walk away from my tremendous load of stress and obligation. I’d trade being comfortably well off for being sane. If I could, I’d quit, now, and sell or give away as much of my possessions as possible. I’d simplify everything, and focus instead on living an interesting and rewarding life. I’d travel, make art, write, and trust the universe to provide.
But I have a family who requires the stability of a home, and I have an obligation to keep their daily routine and their stuff in place.
So I work fifty hours a week at a job that makes me crazy but pays a professional wage, I keep the home fires burning, and I store my dreams of freedom and travel and art in a box on a shelf, for someday.
I just wish there was a little more space in my life for me.
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July 26th, 2008 at 9:46 am
Has your friend been in my head?
All except for the professional wage that is.
I am often envious of friends who have done just that… Right now I just keep telling myself that the current situation is not permanent..and someday things will change…i hope.
July 26th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
I recently read “A Weekend to Change Your Life: Find Your Authentic Self After a Lifetime of Being All Things to All People” by Joan Anderson. It was sitting by the checkout stand at B&N. The author advocates a weekend reflective retreat… although she herself took a *year*. (Her husband must be a saint.) After her year, she ended up back in her same life – but with a new vocation as an inspirational author and women’s retreat leader – and better boundaries.
The book had a few good ideas mixed in with a lot of cliched ones, but it definitely got me thinking about reclaiming a little bit of my time and my energy for the things that I find important. :)
Kimby – one of the reasons I asked Michelle to post this is because I think many women are in this boat to one degree or another. Our lives are defined mostly by others expectations of us. Escape fantasies are probably pretty common. :P
July 26th, 2008 at 11:49 pm
I suspect both women and men find lives are defined in many ways by others expectations. It’s just that the expectations are different.
I think, however, it’s important to differentiate between living up to responsibilities we choose to accept and living up to others expectations of us. Perhaps author Robert Heinlein put it best:
Do not confuse “duty” with what other people expect of you; they are utterly different. Duty is a debt you owe to yourself to fulfill obligations you have assumed voluntarily. Paying that debt can entail anything from years of patient work to instant willingness to die. Difficult it may be, but the reward is self-respect. But there is no reward at all for doing what other people expect of you, and to do so is not merely difficult, but impossible. It is easier to deal with a footpad than it is with the leech who wants “just a few minutes of your time, please — this won’t take long.” Time is your total capital, and the minutes of your life are painfully few. If you allow yourself to fall into the vice of agreeing to such requests, they quickly snowball to the point where these parasites will use up 100 percent of your time — and squawk for more! So learn to say No – and to be rude about it when necessary. Otherwise you will not have time to carry out your duty, or to do your own work, and certainly no time for love and happiness. The termites will nibble away your life and leave none of it for you. (This rule does not mean that you must not do a favor for a friend, or even a stranger. But let the choice be yours. Don’t do it because it is “expected” of you.)
On a practical note, I know a number of people who because of family responsibilities can’t do a lot of what they’d like to do, but still write, paint, sculpt, do community theater, etc. Some accomplish this through trading watching each others kids so that each has some time to pursue activities just for themselves. Maybe you could find someone to do this with so you could pursue your writing and art.