I think, however, it’s important to differentiate between living up to responsibilities we choose to accept and living up to others expectations of us. Perhaps author Robert Heinlein put it best:

Do not confuse “duty” with what other people expect of you; they are utterly different. Duty is a debt you owe to yourself to fulfill obligations you have assumed voluntarily. Paying that debt can entail anything from years of patient work to instant willingness to die. Difficult it may be, but the reward is self-respect. But there is no reward at all for doing what other people expect of you, and to do so is not merely difficult, but impossible. It is easier to deal with a footpad than it is with the leech who wants “just a few minutes of your time, please — this won’t take long.” Time is your total capital, and the minutes of your life are painfully few. If you allow yourself to fall into the vice of agreeing to such requests, they quickly snowball to the point where these parasites will use up 100 percent of your time — and squawk for more! So learn to say No – and to be rude about it when necessary. Otherwise you will not have time to carry out your duty, or to do your own work, and certainly no time for love and happiness. The termites will nibble away your life and leave none of it for you. (This rule does not mean that you must not do a favor for a friend, or even a stranger. But let the choice be yours. Don’t do it because it is “expected” of you.)

On a practical note, I know a number of people who because of family responsibilities can’t do a lot of what they’d like to do, but still write, paint, sculpt, do community theater, etc. Some accomplish this through trading watching each others kids so that each has some time to pursue activities just for themselves. Maybe you could find someone to do this with so you could pursue your writing and art.

The book had a few good ideas mixed in with a lot of cliched ones, but it definitely got me thinking about reclaiming a little bit of my time and my energy for the things that I find important. :)

Kimby – one of the reasons I asked Michelle to post this is because I think many women are in this boat to one degree or another. Our lives are defined mostly by others expectations of us. Escape fantasies are probably pretty common. :P

I am often envious of friends who have done just that… Right now I just keep telling myself that the current situation is not permanent..and someday things will change…i hope.