An interesting conversation occurred recently on Twitter. I was joking about my bad attitude, and said, “My attitude stems from ‘you’re calling me a bitch like that’s a BAD thing.’”

I was surprised to learn there are still women for whom that word has a sting and a bite.

When I was in college, I read (in Cosmo of all places) an article on the word “bitch,” which pretty much said that men use it as a term to put uppity women in their place. You know, like when we’re being strong, and assertive, and standing up for ourselves.

That was the point when I decided that the word bitch would never bother me, because I wanted to be a strong woman.

Of course, I spent several years confused about the term “strong woman” and precisely what that meant, (Note to my college aged self: You’re doing it completely wrong.) but eventually I came to terms with what it meant to me to be a strong woman, and I’ve been working on it ever since.

A couple years after college I came upon Elizabeth Wurtzel’s book Bitch: In Praise of Difficult Women (I’m amazed that the cover on the current version is toned done from the cover on the version I have, which I love. How did a book praising strong women get its cover toned down?), which reinforced that idea.

…I intend to do what I want to do and be whom I want to be and answer only to myself: that is, quite simply, the bitch philosophy…

Here’s the thing, it’s not shocking for a man to believe and act in such a manner, but–even today–we’re still fighting over what feminism is or should be or who should make the sammich. (Every time I see one of the arguments I want to shut all participants in a very small, very dark basement, for a very long time.)

We can have all the debates about gender equality and sexism and male privilege we want, but it seems to me that as long as women are called bitches for saying what they think and for standing up for what they believe, it’s pretty clear what the state of things really is.

Misogyny still exists. Some of us still deal with it Every Single Day. And as long as it does I’ll willingly and proudly take the title of bitch. I will not sit down and shut up and be nice, just because that’s what society expects me to do.

I will laugh loudly. I will be brash and outspoken. I will tell you my opinion and you are free to debate me but you have to use rational arguments and logic. I will stand up tall and make my presence known and not stand in a corner waiting to be acknowledged.

I will continue be a bitch, and I’ll continue to proud to be called one.

At the beginning of November I received one of those phone calls you dread–a friend was dead. She hadn’t shown up for work, and a co-worker went to her apartment where they discovered she had died over the weekend.

As we called other friends to tell them of the loss, we heard the same question again and again, “what happened?”

We didn’t know.

Over the course of the day we learned various details. She’d not been feeling well that week, and her coworkers and family had been worried about her. The thought was maybe she had pneumonia or an asthma attack, but those were all guesses. We wouldn’t know anything until the medical examiner’s report.

We talked a lot about her in the following weeks. She’d been unemployed and underemployed for the past several years, and at one point thought she was going to lose her apartment. But in the nick of time, as she was boxing up her belongings, unsure where she was going to go, she got a job offer. It wasn’t full time with benefits, but it was enough to allow her to catch up on her rent and not have to move.

She liked her job, and was delighted after so much struggle to be working again. We’d been so happy for her. Happy because it finally looked like things were turning around for her.

Then suddenly, she’s dead, without warning.

Any death is hard, but somehow it seems so much harder when it’s unexpected.

It reminds you that life is short, and you should embrace what you have while you have it, for you never know what tomorrow will bring.

It also reminded us that if we never know what will happen tomorrow, it’s a good idea to make sure your passwords and bank accounts are available for whomever comes after you and has to put away the pieces of your life.

Somehow, two months have passed, though it hardly seems like it has been that long. But it has, and the family finally received word from the medical examiner.

It wasn’t asthma.

It wasn’t pneumonia.

It was metastatic cancer.

See, when you’re unemployed and underemployed, you don’t have health insurance. And when you don’t have health insurance, you just suck it up when you get sick.

Unfortunately, there are some things that won’t go away with time. Things that only get worse if they remain undiscovered and untreated.

Metastatic cancer.

If you’re not clear on the term, that means the untreated cancer–wherever it may have started–spread throughout her body.

Spread until it finally killed her.

We cannot know whether a diagnosis and treatment would have prolonged her life. Chances are they would have given her at least a few months if not years.

But I do know one thing for certain: If she had been diagnosed, she almost certainly would not have died alone, without the chance say goodbye to those she loved.

So when politicians and talking heads claim that health care isn’t a right, when they claim that we have no moral and ethical responsibility to provide for the medical needs of every citizen, this is what happens.

People die alone.

And those who love them never get the chance to say goodbye.

“If I saw (Lawrence Russell Brewer) face to face, I’d tell him I forgive him for what he did. Otherwise, I’d be like him. My mom forgave all three of them. My mom didn’t want violence anywhere.”
–Betty Boatner, sister of James Byrd Junior

“What a travesty it would be if they don’t uphold the death sentence. … It’s time for justice today. My family needs justice.”
–Joan MacPhail-Harris, widow of Mark Allen MacPhail

Here are some numbers:

Number of American children living in poverty (2009) 14,657,000 / 20.7%
Number of children in the US without health insurance (2008) 8,411,000
Number of children in the US who were food insecure (2007) 13,912,000
Infant mortality (2007) 29,138
Child deaths (2007) 10,850
Number of abortions in the US (2005) 1.2 million

Here are some comparisons:
Infant mortality < number of abortions
Child mortality < number of abortions
Children without health insurance > number of abortions
Children living in poverty > number of abortions
Children without adequate food > number of abortions

I often wonder about political priorities in light of what is really happening.

So, the solution to yesterday’s puzzle of sorts, was that the devil tweaks your brain to give you incredible new creativity, but that also gives you Alzheimer’s disease.

This week Eric is playing the oracle (or is it 20 questions?) and one of my off the cuff questions to him reminded me of something I read about a couple years ago.

The devil comes to you and says he can make a simple change that will spark your creativity and suddenly you’ll paint or write or create music with a skill you never had before. You do not have to sell your soul for this (but remember, this is the devil we’re talking about).

You can ask questions, but not unlimited questions. After all, he’s a busy nefarious individual and needs to get back to acquiring souls for eternal torment.

Do you take the deal?

ADDENDUM the First:
To clarify, it’s something specific I once ran across while perusing the medical literature.

This is hard to watch, but it’s also brave and wonderful and everyone should watch it.

Unfortunate events, though potentially a source of anger and despair, have equal potential to be a source of spiritual growth.
– Dalai Lama

Dear Teabaggers who are all up in arms about the Obama administration “destroying the constitution”, where the hell were you during the previous administration when Bush and his cronies were, you know, actually acting unconstitutionally?

Have you even READ the document you are so loudly and ignorantly defending?

Let’s start with one of the most egregious things the Bush administration did.

Here’s a section of the Constitution that delineates the powers of Congress (that’s Section 8 by the way):

To declare War, grant Letters of Marque and Reprisal, and make Rules concerning Captures on Land and Water;

Funny how Bush managed to skip that bit when it came to Iraq, isn’t it.

Then there was the issue of signing statements. Odd how nothing in Article 2 gives the president the right to say, “well, I know Congress passed the laws, but I’m telling you to ignore the law, just because I said so.”

Then let’s look at the Amendments, shall we?

Amendment 1 – Freedom of Religion, Press, Expression (this is the one that comes BEFORE the gun amendment.)

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

See that first part? You know what that means? Let me emphasize: no law respecting an establishment of religion. It means the United States is NOT a Christian nation, and attempts to make it one are unconstitutional.

Next part: abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press. This one’s a little less clear. They wanted the only reporters to be “embedded” reporters. The goal was to stop independent press coverage of the war. That was walking a very fine line IMO.

Moving on: Amendment 4 – Search and Seizure

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Two words for you here, warrant-less wiretaps.

Next up: Amendment 5 – Trial and Punishment, Compensation for Takings

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

No one may be deprived of life, liberty, or property without due process of law.

Let me add to that: Amendment 6 – Right to Speedy Trial, Confrontation of Witnesses

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence.

So, the above amendments are referring to citizens, and in theory, non-citizens do not have such rights. However, lets go back to the rights of the administrative branch. He shall have Power, by and with the Advice and Consent of the Senate, to make Treaties.

What this means is we have treaties that govern how we can treat non-citizens, prisoners of war, etc. The Geneva Convention is one of the most famous, but there are other laws and treaties that govern how non-citizens should be treated.

Then we have the fools who believe that the Constitution is NOT a living malleable document and should never have been modified by succeeding generations (Despite Article 5 of the Constitution which clearly delineates the process for creating and ratifying Amendments). Fools like Sarah Palin would would not be able to vote if we followed the Constitution as it was originally written.

I rather like the right to vote and not be a second class citizen. I’m funny like that.

So what are these conservatives up in arms about? They’re enraged that liberals such as myself believe that all Americans–not just the rich–deserve access to health care.

Funny how those conservatives who claim that the United States is a Christian nation seem to be missing some important points of Christianity.*

Perhaps they need to read their bibles instead of just thumping them. But since they clearly can’t read the constitution, I have little hope for them.

* See: Deut. 26:5-9, Luke 4:16-21, Ps. 140:12, Is. 25:4, Ps. 10:14, Is 41:17, Luke 6:20-21, James 2:5, Deut. 15:7, Deut. 26:12, Lev. 19:19, Prov. 31:8, Is. 58:66, Jer. 22:3, Luke 12:33, Luke 3:11, Mt. 5:42 etc

For going out to counter-protest the Westboro “Baptist Church” and braving the cold to do so.

Y’all are the best!

I’m not really back yet.

I mean, I’m posting some, but I don’t think I’m ready to go back to daily posts. I’m still tired, and I still don’t feel like I have my head screwed on straight.

I’ve been on and off anti-depressants since I was 19. I think I’ve tried most of the SSRIs that are out there by now, and was on a tri-cyclic before that.

As I mentioned previously, I maxed out three different meds in a year’s time. Part of me is starting to wonder why I even bother–why deal with the weight gain and the TMJ and everything else if all I’m going to get is the ability to live from day today?

Yes, yes. I know. I’m not planning on stopping my meds (if nothing else, the withdrawal symptoms are an argument in and of themselves) but I am starting to wonder how effective they are.

The most frustrating part is that despite doing everything right, I still feel as if my mood is at least partially out of my control. I exercise regularly. I’m active. I have a relatively healthy diet. I make a point to do activities I find relaxing. Yet it still feels like it’s getting away from me.

I suppose part of the problem is that there are issues that are out of my control; I can (and do) talk about those issues, but in those cases I am dependent upon others taking action (or not), which sometimes sabotages my efforts. (Before you ask, no, there isn’t anything I can do about these situations. All I can do is try and cope the best I can.)

In junior high I was transferred to a Catholic school where we had prayer every morning. In retrospect, the choice for the daily prayer was a little odd, but perhaps we were given that daily recitation in hopes that later in life we could return to it as needed.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
(Reinhold Niebuhr)

Serenity, courage, and wisdom. I could do worse than to seek those three on a daily basis.

When I was listening to the news Sunday night, they played an interview with Ron Paul. I know people who think Ron Paul is the best thing since buttered bread, but after this interview I have even less of a clue as to why.

What stopped me in my tracks was Paul’s instance that “health care is not a right.”

Additionally, he said that insurance companies have every right to deny people on the basis of pre-existing conditions.

Over at Eric‘s place, we once jokingly referred to the conservative Republican policy as, “Fuck you, I’ve got mine,” after a conservative made the comment that he was perfectly happy with his health care and didn’t want the government to screw things up for him.

I cannot even wrap my mind around this mindset, because it is wrong on so many levels.

First and foremost, it boggles my mind that conservatives–most of whom claim to be Christians–believe so strongly in karma. According to conservatives, if someone doesn’t have health care (or a job, or whatever) it’s because they are lazy, or they don’t work hard enough, or they did something bad to cause their current state.

Second, that attitude–fuck you, I’ve got mine–pretty much goes against the New Testament. I don’t think the take of the Good Samaritan implied that if someone can’t afford health insurance they don’t deserve medical care. My understanding is that we are expected to help others, regardless of who we are, who they are, and what they have done.

Third, such a policy is narrow-minded in the extreme. No just on a financial level, but on a public health level. The fact this attitude is concurrent with a possible flu pandemic shows just how incapable some of these people are of seeing beyond their own noses.

The fact these individuals can hold such mutually exclusive ideas in mind (Christianity and refusal to accept the need to universal health care) leads me to wonder about the mental strain that is required to keep such mutually exclusive ideas in the same brain.

I Am A: Chaotic Good Elf Wizard (5th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength-11
Dexterity-10
Constitution-12
Intelligence-16
Wisdom-14
Charisma-14

(more…)

There have been a huge number of lies thrown about recently regarding end-of-life care and the health system in the United States. I’d like to take some time to address this issue.

Most people would like to spend their final days and hours in their homes, perhaps lying in bed, surrounded by their family and friends and the sounds of the voices of their loved ones one.

That, however, is not the reality for many people. What often happens instead is the dying individual is in a hospital, hooked up to machines, and the sounds of beeping and whirring medical machines–or even the sounds of arguing over what the patient truly would have wanted to happen at the end of their live.

But who knew what they really wanted? If the subject was never brought up, this burden is placed upon loved ones who must guess what it is their mother or grandfather or sister of lover wanted. Did they want to be allowed to drift off quietly? Or did they wish instead to “not go gentle into that good night,” utilizing all that medical science has available?

If a discussion is not had, then loved ones must make the agonizing decisions regarding what they hope and believe the dying would have wanted.

And it can be worse than that. One sibling may believe a parent would want to be allowed to die peacefully, while another may just as strongly believe that all measures should be taken to keep the parent alive.

These are discussions that can tear a family asunder and create irreconcilable rifts and animosity.

When your doctor wants to discuss end-of-life care with you, it is these issues she wants to discuss. She does not want to force you to end your life against your will, she instead wants you to make your wishes known to her and to your family, so that these decisions can be made in accordance with your will, instead of in a panic of grief.

Take a moment and think. How do you envision the end of your life? What do you want? What do you want to have happen to your body? Would you like your organs to be donated? Would you prefer to be cremated or buried? Do your loved ones have any idea what your wishes would be at the end of your life? Ask them. You may be surprised at their answers–as well as at their own wishes.

When your doctor asks about end-of-life planning, it is to facilitate such discussions. It is to keep your loved ones from having to make such decisions for you, through their grief, with only vague ideas from long ago discussions to guide them.

It is to be compensated for such discussions that end-of-life discussions were entered into the Health Reform Bill. Currently, many insurers do not pay doctors for such discussions. Add to that the fact that many doctors never learned how to discuss such matters with their patients, and you have a situation where doctors do not initiate these discussions with their patients, and where decisions are left unmade until it is too late for the patient to have any input.

Please discuss your wishes with your family and physician, and please, when you hear someone ignorantly spout nonsense about death panels, gently educate them as to what end-of-life care truly is, and how much of a difference it can make in the lives of the dying and their families.

Our deaths are inevitable. How our last days and hours are spent is not.

The West Virginia Center for End-of-Life Care

There was an interesting interview on NPR last night with John Waters. An article he wrote for the Huffington Post on Leslie Van Houten.

Yes, the Manson Girl.

I know the La Bianca kids don’t have a mother around anymore partly because of my friend Leslie. No matter how patient Leslie or her supporters are, we know this terrible fact will never change. But when, if ever, will there have been enough punishment?

Listening to John Waters discuss the case of Leslie Van Houten set of two similar trains of thought.

First, which was brought up by John Waters, is: would she have been released on parole years ago if she had not been a Manson Girl? The crimes committed by the Mason Family were horrific, no one is debating that, but should she be judged as an equal of Charles Manson, or instead as a young woman who was completely under the sway of a charismatic and evil mad man?

That brings us to the other question, which is what type of society are we? Are a society that seeks retribution from criminals? Or a society that seeks to rehabilitate criminals? I have always been struck by that fact that the very people who claim they want to live in a Christian society are the same people who clamor for the death of murders, and seek a return to the chain gang and corporal punishment.

Would Leslie Van Houton still be in prison if she had not been a Manson Girl, and if the Manson case were not seared in the minds of Americans?

Two quotes from Karen Armstrong’s A Short History of Myth, which I finished reading last week. (The link is to my review.)

Today the word ‘myth’ is often used to describe something that is not true… Since the eighteenth century, we have developed a scientific view of history; we are concerned above all with what actually happened. But in the pre-modern world, when people wrote about the past they were more concerned with what the event had meant.
…
A myth does not impart factual information, but is primarily a guide to behavior. It’s truth will be revealed only if it is put into practice–ritually or ethically. If it is pursued as if it were a purely intellectual hypothesis, it becomes remote and incredible.

If you wish, discuss.

Happy Purim!

As I was listening to the radio Friday morning while getting ready for work, they played a segment on the plans Obama has for changes to the tax system, and I was struck by one idea mentioned several times by the Republicans: if we change the tax breaks for charitable giving, then people will give less to charity, which would be terrible at this time, while more and more people are relying upon charity.

I immediately thought, are you kidding me?!

Do the Republicans really believe that the only reason people make charitable donations is for the tax breaks?

If that’s true, it explains an awful lot about what’s wrong with the Republican party.

Let me make this clear, I make charitable donations–in fact Michael and I donated two cars to Good News Mountaineer Garage (last when we bought our new car in 2003).

I make donations every paycheck to local United Way groups (I always give money to the RDVIC, Christian Help, and one other group that often changes from year to year.

We make regular donations of clothing and items to either Christian Help or Goodwill (if I can’t make the hours for Christian Help), and I’m always amazed by the people who insist on getting a receipt for their single measly bag of used clothing (they set the dollar amount of the donation).

And we have never once claimed a charitable donation on our taxes.

I don’t do these things because I expect to be rewarded for my actions or donations.

I do these things because it is the right thing to do.

Apparently some Republicans don’t quite get that idea.

That’s right. I’m 100% heathen and proud of it!

(via Jim)

…
Let us develop a kind of dangerous unselfishness. One day a man came to Jesus, and he wanted to raise some questions about some vital matters of life. At points he wanted to trick Jesus, and show him that he knew a little more than Jesus knew and throw him off base….
(more…)

So a post over at Eric‘s has inadvertently lead to my consideration of a very strange question.

Initial question was if crosses and holy water are effective against vampires, would vampires be safer if they moved to India or the Middle East?

But the question that came from that is whether a Jewish vampire who drank human blood would be keeping kosher.

Here are my arguments supporting the thesis they would be.

1. I believe that in a life or death situation, a Jew is allowed to eat non-kosher foods to save his own life. If a vampire could survive only upon blood, shouldn’t the drinking of human blood be okay as long as the victim was not killed or maimed? (i.e. if the vampire was polite and asked nicely beforehand.)

2. Isn’t there a difference between drained blood and blood straight from the source, so to speak?

3. Would kosher rules even apply to vampires? A vampire has died an moved on from human life. Do the rules of Leviticus even apply to the undead, assuming they still retain free will?

Anyway, just some thoughts filtering through my brain.

Now that I’m properly medicated, I think I can write a better Dia de los Muertos post.

I think the US has a strange and somewhat unhealthy attitude towards death. As S frequently notes, we don’t even call it death, but refer to it with a variety of bizarre euphemisms.

Death is an inevitable part of life, and for good reasons. As humans, we have reproduced at such a rate that food production and land resources in many areas are not able to match growth rates. And our systems of governance are such that we don’t like to share our bounty when we have it.

That is not to say that death is not painful for the living. Loss is both inevitable and painful. But it is a part of life.

I often wonder if we have become too separated from death. Although the hospice movement is attempting to change this, death has become medicalized. It is something that occurs in sterile hospital environments with beeping machines and bright white lights. Not only is this unpleasant for the individual who is dying, but it makes the process of dying alien for those who survive.

That doesn’t mean I think death should be an everyday affair of no note. In the US we are lucky to have progressed beyond the point where many children died in infancy, and life was often short and brutal. No, we have moved beyond that, and this is a wonderful thing. But in our quest to conquer illness, we have made death a stranger–something to be combated, rather than an inevitable end to a life well lived.

And that is what we should focus upon: the life well lived.

Funerals should be a celebration of a person’s life. They should be a time for remembering joy and happiness. They should be a time for telling stories and sharing who the person was and what they meant to the teller.

…

I lost two people this year. My grandmother, Harriet Elizabeth, called Beth. And my cousins’ grandmother, Doris.

I was not close to my grandmother, which is a regret, and not what I want to focus on. What I do know is she loved football, especially watching the Washington Redskins. If our visit was on a Sunday in the fall, she’d be ensconced in her chair in the living room, pack of cigarettes beside her, cheering on the Redskins. Perhaps in some small part, my love of football (even if I don’t like the Redskins) came from her.

Doris, my cousins’ grandmother, had a stroke soon after my cousin Liz was born, and changed from the vibrant, outgoing woman of my childhood to a woman afraid to leave the house, even for her grandchildren’s celebrations. My favorite memories of her were at my aunt and uncle’s little farm outside Hancock PA. Celebrations there were always fun and joyous, whether it was a birthday or Thanksgiving. She was a joyful and loving woman, and I hope that in some small way I learned some humor and caring from her.

One last thought. My grandfather, Popbo, died days before my 5th birthday. My memories of him are few, but all are joyful. Even when he was in the hospital, he’d send the cookies from his dinner out to me. (Visiting rules were different I suppose, and so my memories of him in the hospital were of sitting in the car while my grandmother and dad would go into the hospital and visit.)

May you remember your loved ones on this day, with joy and happiness.

Like everyone else, I get the occasional e-mail missives that I suspect are sent simply to tweak me.

Here is the latest. (with the ridiculous fonts and colors and sizes removed for your sanity.)

REFUSE NEW COINS

This simple action will make a strong statement.

Please help do this.. Refuse to accept these when they are handed to you..

U.S.Government to Release New Dollar Coins

You guessed it
‘IN GOD WE TRUST’ IS GONE!!!
If ever there was a reason to boycott something, THIS IS IT!!!!

DO NOT ACCEPT THE NEW DOLLAR COINS AS CHANGE

Together we can force them out of circulation.

My response is simple: Redde Caesari quae sunt Caesaris et quae sunt Dei, Deo.

If you don’t read John Scalzi’s blog, you may have missed this news story.

No matter how hard I try, I’ll never be a good person, at least in comparison to the likes of Leroy C. McLaughlin. But for all I’ll never achieve that level of goodness, he still inspires me to try.

While we were in Wyoming, I discovered that the 28 degree morning temperatures really required a scarf to keep me warm, and I had neglected to bring a scarf (Gloves, yes. Hat, yes. Scarf, no.) So we ended up wandering around Jackson looking for a scarf.

I wanted to spend my money at a local business, but figured I’d end up taking what I could get, since Jackson is very much a tourist trap. Not only did I find a local business, but I found an organic and fair trade scarf there!

Although Whyoming Outfitters where I bought the scarf does not seem to be on line, the company that made the scarf is: Indigenous Fair trade + Organic. I figure that as someone with disposable income, I really should support fair trade and organic products whenever possible, and the higher prices reflect the true costs of the products as opposed to the prices at chains and superstores that are subsidized or bought at the price of paying employees a living wage.

Do I do this all the time? Of course not. I have a minimal amount of disposable income, I’m not rich. But it’s nice to know that when I am able to make those choices, there are companies that allow me to do so.