{"id":389,"date":"2004-08-30T13:30:55","date_gmt":"2004-08-30T20:30:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/klishis.com\/notreally\/archives\/389"},"modified":"2004-08-30T13:30:55","modified_gmt":"2004-08-30T20:30:55","slug":"five","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/klishis.com\/notreally\/archives\/389","title":{"rendered":"Five"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Five signs on the door.<\/p>\n<p>Five.<\/p>\n<p>And people STILL walk in.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Oh. You&#8217;re closed? I didn&#8217;t know.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>THAT&#8217;S WHY THE DOORS ARE CLOSED AND HAVE SIGNS PLASTERED ALL OVER YOUR MORON! GET OUT!<\/p>\n<p>(deep breath)<\/p>\n<p>Okay. I&#8217;m better now. Really.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Five signs on the door. Five. And people STILL walk in. &#8220;Oh. You&#8217;re closed? I didn&#8217;t know.&#8221; THAT&#8217;S WHY THE DOORS ARE CLOSED AND HAVE SIGNS PLASTERED ALL OVER YOUR MORON! GET OUT! (deep breath) Okay. I&#8217;m better now. Really.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-389","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/sefxA-five","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/klishis.com\/notreally\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/389","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/klishis.com\/notreally\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/klishis.com\/notreally\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/klishis.com\/notreally\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/klishis.com\/notreally\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=389"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/klishis.com\/notreally\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/389\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/klishis.com\/notreally\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=389"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/klishis.com\/notreally\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=389"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/klishis.com\/notreally\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=389"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}