It’s Saturday morning, and I can’t bring myself to get out of bed.

Normally I love the possibility of the weekend, but now, all I can think of are the tasks that loom before me, things that have remained undone because of work, because of travel, because of who knows why.

It’s not that I’m lazy, but I like–maybe even need–to have a certain amount of down time. Time to myself to do things like read and write. But I haven’t really written in a year. Not really. And my reading has come snatched in bits and pieces.

For the past several weeks, when we get home from work, the days have been so long, and so busy, that I’m too tired to do much more than collapse on the sofa, eat chocolate, and watch a couple of episodes of DS9. Because it’s mindless. Because it requires nothing of me other than to sit and stare and enjoy. And because it’s something we can all do together. I don’t feel like I’m ignoring everyone. It’s an escape we can all make together.

Even now, as I take the time to write this–to do something I love to do–it’s hard to enjoy it, because I’m looking around at all the things undone, and thinking of everything I need to do. Everyone but me is still in bed, so I’m not ignoring anyone with my writing, but the list of tasks is still there: go grocery shopping, finish putting way everything from last weeks travels, clean the house (boy does the house need cleaned), do laundry. All the little tasks that you do all the time, only you do them in bits in pieces during the week, instead of letting them pile up at once.

I don’t know what all this means. I’m tired–but it’s to be expected. Work is incredibly busy right now, but I know things will get better. The situation with Michael’s grandmother will eventually resolve, although none of the possibilities seem to be good ones. And the multiple situations with my own family that are gnawing at my mind will resolve as well, one way or another.

Somehow, I’m going to learn to manage my time. To set aside time for writing. To set aside time for reading. Don’t quite know how I’m going to do it. But I’m going to try.