We’re locked out of the break room? Sure I’ll try my key.
Hey! Look! I found someone to fix the lock on the break room! Yay!
Oh. Goody. I get to redo the entire schedule for a full week. Look. No warm bodies to cover a two hour period.
Electronic dissertation? Here are some answers for you.
More scheduling.
The printer is misbehaving? I’ll come beat it into submission.
All the dates you scheduled in July? You didn’t write them down and deleted the reminders I sent you? Sure, I’d love to print out the calendars for those weeks and leave them at the front desk.
More scheduling.
Yes, I’d love to come up front and fix the page number on someone’s dissertation. He wandered away? Call me when he comes back.
More scheduling.
Okay, here’s how to fix page numbering: turn on show hide codes, continuous section break, continuous section break, not same as previous, not same as previous, insert page number, format page number, insert page number, format page number. Got all that?
Finish scheduling.
What do you mean Word saves all revisions if you have fast save turned on? Everything? You mean EVERYTHING? Really? Oh. Wow. I can see why the dean would be upset.
The calendars are at the Front Desk. (Where I TOLD you they’d be.)
No, I don’t know of a way to make the page number on the abstract page start at i and not ii. Tell him it should be fine to submit like that.
Sure. I’ve love to schedule a class Just For You. How about three weeks from now when I have some open time on my calendar?
Oh. Goody. I’d love to update the entire Adobe Suite just to get Acrobat working. You want me to close Acrobat? Fine. You want me to close Dreamweaver? Fine. You want me to close Firefox? Fine. You want me to close Word? Fine. I’ll just sit here and twiddle my thumbs.
By they way, here’s the secret that should work if the lock sticks on the break room door again. For some reason, I forgot to tell you earlier.
Ma’am, if you’ve tried all those things, I suggest you run a repair on Excel, and if that doesn’t work, call the Help Desk.
Why hasn’t anyone looked at this revisions I gave you all three weeks ago? I wasn’t kidding! DO IT NOW! I have to TEACH these classes! SOON!

If anyone needs me, I’ll be hiding under my desk, not answering my phone, for the remainder of the day.