This is MWT’s fault.

————–

Everyone said Southern California was the perfect vacation spot. “Get away from dreary Scotland!” they said. “A change will do you good!” they said.

Bah humbug. She should have stayed home.

Sure it was sunny–the weather had been beautiful the entire time–but she wasn’t used to the sun, and got a terrible sunburn.

And then there was the traffic–she’d never seen so much traffic! She didn’t realize what a backwater her home was until she reached California. Night and day there were people everywhere!

She’d thought a change of scenery would be nice, but didn’t realize the scenery would be so completely full of people.

She knew it was provincial, but she started wishing she was home almost as soon as she arrived. Sure, there were amazing new species of fish–she’d never seen anything like some of these species, but that hardly made up for all the other hassles. The food and water weren’t what she was used to, there was more sun than she was used to, and the people…

She was going to kill the dolphins when she got home. Even if suggesting this vacation wasn’t a dirty trick, it was still a pretty horrible experience: How are you supposed to enjoy your vacation if you have to spend the entire time hiding from people that don’t believe you exist?

The locals told her she’d be fine–“those Californians are constantly drunk and stoned. No one will notice you, and if they do, they’ll just think you’re an hallucination. Besides, you don’t live here! Who cares if they see you?”

“Who cares my left flipper!” she’d told them. She had no desire to be caught and dissected.

“There are lots of environmental laws in California!” they told her. “You’ll be fine.”

She’d stared at them if they were barmy, and then asked pointed questions about the amount of pharmaceutical run-off in the water till they’d dropped the subject.

All in all, it was one of the worst vacations she’d ever taken. To hell with the economy. Next year she’d just have a staycation.