I have a confession to make.

I love catalogs.

Not just the Land’s End catalogs with sensible clothing, not just the Gardener’s Supply catalogs with all kinds of neat garden implements to make things easier, but all kinds of catalogs.

I’m especially fond of supply catalogs. I used to receive a variety at my last job, where in addition to everything else, I was also in change of ordering supplies. I loved getting the supply catalogs, because if you look through them–and I mean really look–they incredible ridiculous. One of my favorite ads was for those stairs on wheels that you see at Lowe’s and Home Depot. The ad had a man carrying a very large box up the stairs–except that they shot the ad in front of a white background. Every time I looked at the ad I’d wonder, “Where the hell is he going with that?”

And then there were the people modeling different items. Often they looked like company employees who’d been pulled away from their desks for the photo shoots, so although they frequently had ridiculous expressions on their faces, but I loved the fact that they looked like real people. Not that professional ads are any better. For instance, have you ever seen a man standing around with one hand, half in his pocket, the other saucily planted on his hip? Or some of the postures the models are in; it makes your back hurt if you think about it for too long.

I used to point these things out to people. Often I’d go down the hall–giggling–to share these wonderful finds with Bob, who also seemed to appreciate the absurd ads.

Which is why when we all met for lunch yesterday, Bob had a catalog for me.

I was delighted by the wonders that were to be found within: an organ tunic (or better yet, an unhealthy organ tunic), your brain on beer, a fetus in a champagne flute. Fantastic! Bob really liked the Ciggy costume, and was considering it for a halloween costume, until he realized it was $700. Even the names are great, like Budget Bart Skeleton Model.

Some of the things are somewhat creepy–I found the expressions on the CPR dummys disturbing (although I liked the three baby CPR models peeking out of a carrying bag). And I don’t want anything to do with an Advanced Patient Care Enema Simulator.

But really, the whole thing is fascinating, and makes me long for the days when I received catalogs like this myself.