This weekend I had to get a new watch. Somehow I’d managed to enough damage to my current watch that it was no longer water resistant, and when I checked the time Saturday morning, found that the inside face had steamed up.

This is far from the first watch I’ve managed to ruin. My last watch somehow managed to get its face knocked off, it only took me three years to ruin a very heavy diver’s watch to the point that despite replacing its innards it would no longer keep time, and in college I managed to melt the face of the Swatch I regularly wore. (Apparently the Swatch guard [remember those?!] was good enough to reduce scratches but did nothing for melting.)

How do I do all this damage? I regularly crash my wrists, hands, and arms into walls and doorways that apparently leap out at them when I’m not paying attention. (I’m also really hard on rings, which is why the only ring I wear is my wedding band–and some days even that makes me nervous, like when I catch it on the kitchen storm door handle.)

I really don’t understand how I can be this clumsy, without having spent far more time in the emergency room.