I’m having a bad day. Anyone got any good jokes?

(PS. Anyone that tries to tell the piccolo joke will be summarily taken out and shot.)

SPENCER (AP) – A woman faces up to a year in jail for attempting to extort money from a man who was having a sexual relationship with her 12-year-old daughter.

Marsha Kay Nichols, 31, of Elkview pleaded no contest to attempted extortion, a misdemeanor, on Jan. 21 in Roane County Circuit Court. She also faces a fine of up to $500 when sentenced March 21.
After Nichols discovered her daughter’s relationship with Bruce Stover, 42, she threatened to tell police unless Stover paid her money, state police officer J.E. Elmore had said.

Nichols went to Stover’s residence in the Walton area and collected money three times. During one of the visits, Nichols watched Stover and her daughter kiss and hug several times, Elmore had said.
Stover, who lives in the Walton area, pleaded guilty to three counts of third-degree sexual assault, a felony, in August. In November, Roane County Circuit Judge David Nibert suspended a one- to five-year jail sentence, ordered Stover to serve 90 days in jail and placed him on five years probation.

Stover also is required to register for life as a sex offender, participate in counseling and perform 100 hours of community service. He is banned from being in the presence of any female under 18 without adult supervision.

How could someone prostitute their pre-teen child? How?

Kim is the best!

She gave me the newest album by the “Falling Run Bluegrass Band,” ‘going back’.

I’m very excited about it, and was going to listen to it at work, but people came in, so I couldn’t.

For Jeremy.

Harvey had been a dissolute youth. He’d always thought it came from being born during the Roaring Twenties, and having to grow up during the Great Depression. Maybe his mother was a little too fond of the bathtub gin that was so popular in Chicago. Maybe it was the poverty that sent him out on the road at such a young age, riding the rails. Lots of kids did it at the time. Seemed the only thing to do, given the circumstances.
(more…)

I’m verbal/linguistic. Now there’s a shocker.
(more…)

Really Truly Wrong
(Although this apparently appeared in Seventeen, it may not be safe for all workplaces.)

For years, I thought that good soup came out of a can. I mean, my mother made soup, but… Let’s just say that my mother’s favorite soup involved meatballs and cheeze whiz.

Yuck.

So I grew up thinking that soup was difficult, and, to be honest, I wasn’t too fond of it either, except of course for tomato soup, served with the obligatory grilled cheese (which I still love), and the Deviled soup that my Dad makes. That’s delicious. But that was about it. Then a couple of years ago I started ordering soups at restaurants, and was surprised at how good they were. I mean really good. Of course I presumed this was something that you could only do in restaurants, but then I started to think about it, and realized that it probably wasn’t.

And so I’ve started making soups.

And they’re not that hard at all.

The potato soup I made a couple weeks ago was okay, but rather plain. A problem that was easily amended with cheddar cheese.

This weekend I decided to venture further afield, and made broccoli cheddar soup, which shockingly, Michael liked. (When we got married, the only vegetables Michael would eat were corn and iceburg lettuce. His repoitoire has since expanded.) And then just for Michael, I made cream of mushroom soup.

Both took under an hour, and were quite good.

Because there’s really nothing like soup when it’s cold and you’re feeling under the weather.