The latest episode of Book Riot’s SFF Yeah discussed Characters Who Make Us Feel Seen, and I decided to wander down the path of what fictional characters am I most like?

I had an extremely hard time coming up with SFF characters, because I very feel rarely like the characters you find in SFF books. There might be bits and pieces that fit perfectly, but as a whole? Not so much.

Mysteries were even harder, because although I am ridiculously curious, I am anxious, so I couldn’t sneak into a house where people were sleeping or walk into a situation and confront people.

I had a far easier time with characters from romance novels, probably because I read a lot of books with broken or struggling characters. I’ve read many books in recent years that have resonated deeply with me–far more than any other genre.

So here are some characters who make me feel seen.

Murderbot, from the Murderbot series by Martha Wells.

Obviously not the murdering parts, but often something Murderbot says will hit me like a punch.

“Why don’t you want us to look at you?”

My jaw was so tight it triggered a performance reliability alert in my feed. I said, “You don’t need to look at me. I’m not a sexbot.”

Murderbot exists to protect people, to help people, but it doesn’t want to have to directly deal with people, and it really doesn’t want to have to make conversation.

I didn’t want to be stuck in a chair within easy unwanted talking range.

Interacting meant talking, and eye contact. I could already feel my performance capacity dropping.

Murderbot also loves comfort reading / watching.

(T)here wasn’t time to start anything new before we reached the station. (Being interrupted isn’t nearly as annoying when I already know the story.)

The first book, All Systems Red, might only have 150 pages, but I have 60 passages highlighted.

(If I got angry at myself for being angry I would be angry constantly and I wouldn’t have time to think about anything else.) (Wait, I think I am angry constantly. That might explain a lot.)

Discworld by Terry Pratchett

I decided there had to be at least one character in Discworld who I felt like. I came up with two: The DEATH OF RATS and The Librarian.

The Librarian has a strong sense of justice and a love of books, is typically misunderstood, and is fine with who he is and resists any attempts to change him into a human.

The Librarian rolled his eyes. It was strange, he felt, that so-called intelligent dogs, horses and dolphins never had any difficulty indicating to humans the vital news of the moment, e.g., that the three children were lost in the cave, or the train was about to take the line leading to the bridge that had been washed away or similar, while he, only a handful of chromosomes away from wearing a vest, found it difficult to persuade the average human to come in out of the rain. You just couldn’t talk to some people.

The DEATH OF RATS is often silly, coming up with ridiculous ideas.

NO, YOU CAN’T RIDE A CAT. WHO EVER HEARD OF THE DEATH OF RATS RIDING A CAT? THE DEATH OF RATS WOULD RIDE SOME KIND OF DOG.

Neither is a main character, but both make themselves felt when around, and both enjoy what they do.

Cooper Dayton from the Big Bad Wolf series by Charlie Adhara

I’m not brave and would make a terrible secret agent, but things Cooper says and thinks are things that have gone through my mind repeatedly.

Cooper wondered who he’d be without any of the negative experiences of his life. Was it even worth asking?

“I’m sorry,” Cooper blurted. His heart was beating hard, but fuck it, what were they here for if not this?

Park looked at him. He had that same odd look on his face he’d had when they first got to Jagger Valley that looked so much like nerves, but a little hopeful, too. “For what?”

“Everything. Well, for earlier, and for being, you know, me.” Cooper laughed awkwardly.

“What the hell, Dayton,” Park said, sounding angry. “That’s a horrible thing to say.”

(Both quotes from The Wolf at Bay.)

I try to hear Park being angry when I find myself apologizing for being me.

the frustration that came from relearning what he could and couldn’t do for the second time in less than two years threatened to tip him over the edge from restlessness into depression.

Not two right on top of one another, but I’ve had a life-altering injury, and I know how much hard work it takes to come back from that, and to learn the new ways your body works (or doesn’t).

Sam from Play It Again by Aidan Wayne

With Sam, we get closer to things that mirror my life–and not just working at an IT help desk.

(W)ith his job being IT, there were often good reasons he came home having exhausted his social-skill quota for the day and was only up to playing some games or reading a book before crashing. Books and video games also didn’t yell at you, or snidely act as though you were a waste of space.

(T)alking on the phone gave him enough anxiety as it was. Never knowing whether a call might turn nasty made him dread it every time he was given a ring.

To be clear, I love helping people and working help desk type positions when the users were polite and nice, but even a single rude or horrible person can ruin my day and send my thoughts spiraling.

I’m a vegetarian. I don’t mind if other people aren’t of course, it’s not my job to regulate, but it’s my own difference I’m making, yeah? I’m a gentle soul, really. I can’t even squash bugs; I try to catch them and take them outside. No reason to harm a spider if there isn’t need, after all. And they’re such good bugs, spiders are. I mean arachnids. And sorry, there I seem to have gone off on a tangent.

I feel like this is something I may actually have said, right down to the spider tangent.

People in general made Sam nervous, but he’d mentioned a few times how he was “slightly bothered” by crowds especially, particularly noisy ones. He’d said it in the same offhand way Sam used to downplay all the things that made him unhappy or caused him distress.

Fred the Vampire Accountant series by Drew Hayes

Like Discworld, I thought through the characters in the Fred the Vampire Accountant series to see if anything clicked, and decided I am most like Alfred and Charlotte.

Charlotte because she likes taking care of people and is also extremely protective of those who living within her, and Alfred because he’s kind and as much of a pacifist as he can be. Also, he frequently misses social cues.

Zach from That Kind of Guy by Talia Hibbert (Ravenswood)

Zach has learned to recognize the ways he puts others first–even to doing things he didn’t like.

In truth, Zach was a messy fucker who resented his own compulsion to fill in other people’s gaps but couldn’t make himself stop.

What he did feel was a familiar tug in his chest, that nagging pull he always experienced when faced with someone who needed something. It was an urgent whisper he couldn’t ignore: You’re the only one people can rely on. That makes it your duty to help.

UGH. I recognize that pull, and how hard it is to stop doing things you don’t want to solely to please those around you. It’s ridiculously hard to say no when you’ve said yes for so long.

(H)e’d made himself a promise, recently. One designed to break his habit of handing out Yeses he didn’t mean.

That is a far harder thing to do than you’d think–people assume you’ll do as they ask, and get mad when you don’t, so you have to come up with reasons and excuses, which is exhausting.

Ruth from A Girl Like Her by Talia Hibbert (Ravenswood)

Like Zach, Ruth makes me feel seen.

She wasn’t graceful. She was, in fact, the opposite of graceful. He worried for her safety once every five seconds at least. When she poured half of the hot water onto the counter, he was only surprised that she didn’t scald herself in the process.

She rolled her eyes and picked up the mugs. He deftly took them from her and carried them into the living room, as if she wasn’t capable of handling it herself. True, she usually spilled tea everywhere. But her balance would never get better if she didn’t practice.

Spoiler: practice doesn’t help.

Ruth disliked phone calls—it was hard to really hear someone’s words, when you couldn’t see their face

Ruth realised that she was rubbing her own hands—wringing them, people said—and made herself stop, even though the action was calming.

It’s so affirming to see someone else deal with things I thought were my own quirks.

Now she didn’t know if she should laugh or gasp. She compromised by choking on her own spit.

Yes, I’ve done that too.

Clem from An Unseen Attraction by K.J. Charles (Sins of the Cities)

I have reread this book multiple times and have more than 80 highlights, mostly of Clem.

Look me in the eyes, boy! had been a constant refrain at school, but they said the eyes were the windows to the soul, and Clem didn’t feel comfortable peering into people’s windows.

Rowley had thought at first the beast had no name; it had taken him a while to understand that it had a perfectly good, descriptive name to which it was as likely to answer as any other, and that name was Cat. There was something terribly Clem about that.

I annoyed a friend as a kid, because I didn’t give my stuffed animals “real” names.

“But, but—” Clem flailed a hand. Mark snatched his pint out of the way.

There is a reason people do not set their drinks near me.

He’d spent his life carefully not looking into an abyss of rage like the pit of hellfire he’d so often been told awaited pagans, because if he ever really looked, he feared he might be angry forever.

Jordan from Upside Down by N.R. Walker

Jordan is another character that makes me feel seen on multiple levels.

My phone beeped in my hand and I tripped over my own feet, almost falling to the ground but catching myself just in time. “Motherfucker.”

I mean.

Geek also probably fits, though mostly for Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. I mean, the other Star Treks are fine and I don’t disparage anyone for liking them—Janeway and Picard are credible—but I just prefer Sisko as my captain,

“There has to be a reason you picked Sisko.”

He smiled at me and seemed to relax before launching into a spiel on consistency and compassion and how Sisko’s being a father in the show made him more relatable.

The only way that would have been better was if Garak had also been brought up.

“Good afternoon,” he said, grinning as I walked up to take my seat.

“Top of the day to you, kind sir,” I replied, for no other reason than I’m an idiot.

Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. I do that all the time.

“We had the early learning kids in today. That’s always fun, if not rather loud, but I like reading to them. I make it exciting and interactive so they all think books and reading time is amazing, so I’m like a superhero to them. And being a superhero to a bunch of three-year-olds is a civic responsibility I take very seriously.”

I love finding a book that a kid loves almost as much as I love making them enthusiastic about things and pointing out wonders they might not have noticed.

Bonus Quotes

Some passages floor me every time I read them.

“You’ve been through a lot today,” he said. “There’s no need to diminish it.”

“Yeah, but if I don’t diminish things I have to face them at their normal size, and that’s horrible.”

— Boyfriend Material by Alexis Hall

(H)e’d effectively removed the stressor I carried with me every minute: the fear that if I had to choose, I would choose wrong and something terrible would happen.

— Rend by Roan Parrish

It would be nice to believe in something like God. To believe some higher power with a greater purpose was concealed behind the violence and chaos.

—Come Unto These Yellow Sands by Josh Lanyon

This is the story of my life: standing on the edges of things and worrying, when I’m supposed to just walk through them.

— Waiting for the Flood by Alexis Hall

“I’m more interested in someone’s excitement over something they have just discovered, than someone’s smug, pompous insistence that there is a right and a wrong way to learn to love something.”

— Hottie Scotty and Mr. Porter by R. Cooper

I keep having thoughts I didn’t authorise.

— Work for It by Talia Hibbert

We saw some interesting things on our drive yesterday.

One was so unexpected that I might have squealed, slammed on the brakes, and all but done a U-Turn in the road.

Michael’s Favorite Sign

This just delighted me. It’s like someone let me name a road.

We opted to starve to death, but stopping was briefly was considered.

I’m creating a class on Facebook, and am looking for pictures to go with the various scandals and problems I’m discussing. So I thought I’d look for some of the artwork that FB had banned because it showed breasts.

What I discovered is that there were a LOT of painters who had apparently never seen a naked woman.

Or even paid any attention to the female form.

Yesterday on our hike I started to wonder about apples. Specifically: Why are apples typically portrayed as red?

The majority of apples we find at our Farmers Market are green or green & red. Yet when you think of an apple, you generally think of a shiny red apple. Why?

Considering that the most common red apple is the misnamed Red Delicious, which was bred not for flavor but looks and storage, it’s amazing that anyone would want to think about Red Delicious when they think “apple”.

Vaguely from my plant biology classes, I remembered that color was often dependent upon light. So might where apples were red be related to why red is seen as the color of apples? Were red apples more common in Europe?

But it’s even more complicated than that.

Apples do not breed true from seed. If you plant apple seeds you will not get an apple tree that bears the fruit of the apple you planted, most likely you’ll get a cider apple (which is what Johnny Appleseed was doing–planting seeds for cider apples, not the fruit).

You have to graft to get a reproducible apple variety.  So what grows in an area is dependent not just upon hardiness, but what humans have chosen to grow in any particular area.

Out of curiosity, I decided to look up what influences peel color in apples, and although light is important, temperature is also important, and colder temperatures increase anthocyanin production. Which makes sense in retrospect, since anthocyanis are protective. So you’ll get red apples where there is a lot of sun, but also where there are colder temperatures.

So red apples would seemingly be more likely to thrive in areas with harsher conditions (more UV or lower temperatures).

It still doesn’t make Red Delicious apples taste better, but it does help explain why we might have developed a preference for red apples.

(FWIW our other indepth discussion yesterday was use of silver to kill paranormal creatures and what kind of ammunition would be best (and easiest) to defend yourself. So don’t think that I spend my time pondering highfalutin topics.)

Red Color Development in Apple Fruit
Traverso, Amy. The Apple Lover’s Cookbook. W. W. Norton & Company.

I came across an article on how the size of houses has changed over time in the United States. I found it interesting how there was a slow decline until WWII, then the square footage drops for the only time, after which house size skyrockets.

Now this is interesting in and of itself, but I know that my great-grandmother had (IIRC) ten kids, most of whom survived to adulthood (many of whom lived to 90, but that’s another tale), so I was curious as to whether the household size briefly increased once modern medical techniques came to the fore before decreasing.

Interestingly, the data I found didn’t show a bump in the 1900s, just a steady decline. (You can also check the census data.)

So of course, being me, I wanted to see how this data looked.

It turned out to be far more linear than I was expecting, although it did make a nice X.

Now to be clear, we’re looking at household size here, not total population, so that number should include not just children, but parents or grandparents or other extended family members. Which is why I found the steady decline so interesting.

But even more fascinating–and horrifying–is that as households got smaller, the size of the house in which those smaller families live has gotten steadily larger.

Don’t get me wrong–I live in a very small house and there have been many occasions where I desperately wished my kitchen was bigger, or that I had a separate dining room, or that I had another bedroom, or that I had more storage space. But for the most part I like living in a small house.

Which is why I find the increase is house size so bizarre. What on earth do people PUT in these houses? Do people in houses three times as large as my house even see each other over the course of a day?

So that’s one of the things that has been on my mind recently, and now I’ve nattered on about it I can close a bunch of browser tabs.

ADDENDUM the FIRST: The reason there was no household data in 1920 was because apparently the census takers didn’t count large households the same as was done in other years.

Last year they started putting up maps at the heads of the various trails, showing you the elevation etc. This year they seem to be replacing the signs at trail heads and intersections, which is how we learned that the Reservoir Ski trail is now the Headwaters Trail. Curious to see if any other signage in the park has been added/changed. (The official park maps still have the old names. Which doesn’t surprise me. If the forest service had to lay off fire fighters, I’d hope they’d lay off web designers first.)

Location: Coopers Rock State Forest
Trails: Roadside, Headwater, Scotts Run Trails
Distance: 4.5 miles
Elevation: 2297-2017 feet
Temperature: 70-79 F

I was trying to remember the last time I’d been to a zoo, and figured it must have been before my cousin Liz was born. Which is fine, because I find zoos distressing. Not quite as distressing as they used to be, but as someone who doesn’t eat mammals because of cruelty issues, zoos are complicated.

But Jules’ birthday party was at the zoo, and I wasn’t going to miss that for anything, so I went.

It wasn’t nearly as bad as I remembered–the Pittsburgh Zoo has had major renovations since the last time I was there as a kid. In fact, you can actually see some of the old outdoor pens–one of which has been converted to a sort of beer garden, which was amusing.

There were also signs, such as that outside of the polar bears, that seemed to be saying the polar bears had ended up in the zoo because they kept getting into human garbage and other parts of human settlements. I’d much rather an animal be in a zoo than shot because humans have taken over it’s space.

But I still was made very uncomfortable with the primate area. It wasn’t too bad initially–after all, the sloth seemed super happy with his surroundings, and there was a one-armed primate who obviously wouldn’t have survived in the wild. But the large primates? I didn’t see signs insinuating or detailing how they ended up at the zoo, and although their area was large with trees and a stream and plenty of entertainment, it was still disturbing seeing an animal so like us, behind the plexiglass. So I wandered off quickly and looked at other things while everyone else finished with the primates.

I only took one picture of a large mammal, and that was because I was zooming in with my camera to see if there was something wrong with this lion’s eye (there wasn’t) but I ended up liking the picture that came out, so here it is.

Pittsburgh Zoo has an aquarium, but I found it… unimpressive. Also hot and insanely crowded, which didn’t help.

But there were interesting aquatic creatures, many of which were explicitly rescued (including the sea turtle with the paralyzed rear fins and “bubble butt”. (I didn’t get a picture of him, because that window was insanely crowded.))

The window of the single tank of jellies was very crowded, so I got almost no decent pictures. But I did enjoy watching them.

Also:

NO SWIMMING IN THE GRASS!

I know, those are daylilies and not grass, but it still amused me.

Another plus was that instead of lawns and such, most of the areas between sections were of wild grasses and wild flowers, which I did like very much.

In the end, I won’t be going back to this or any other zoo, but it was not as bad as I was fearing it would be.

Oh! One last picture–this abandoned stairwell was behind a fence.

Here’s some happy music I’ll be listening to today.

R.E.M – Exhuming Mccarthy

Mexican Institute of Sound – Yo Digo Baila

Lee Morgan – The Sidewinder

(more…)

I’ve been super confused by the recent news stories about bans in France on a certain kind of swimwear.

France’s highest administrative court is being asked to overturn beach bans imposed by 26 towns on women in full-body swimsuits known as “burkinis”.

Women are being fined for wearing modest swimwear.

Think about that for a few moments.

If you have any passing knowledge of history, you’ll be vaguely aware that less than 100 years ago, women were arrested or fined or removed from the beach for their swimsuits.

Because those suits didn’t cover enough of their skin.

Now we’re being arrested for covering too much of our skin?

Of course not. Not ALL women are being arrested, fined, or shamed for their swimwear!

Here’s a company that seems to be doing a good business selling modest swimwear to WASP women.

HydroChic’s core mission is to provide a stylish line of modest women’s swimsuits that at once combines the desire for chic expression on the beach and the consumer’s wish for modest swimwear coverage.

Here’s an article in the Wall Street Journal on the business of modest swimwear.

For years, Ms. Bolin, who is in her early 50s, searched for adequate bathing suits. Finally, she ventured out to her favorite Texas water park in a HydroChic outfit: Bermuda-length swim shorts and a three-quarter sleeve top.

Ms. Bolin said she still remembers admiring comments from lifeguards who loved her surfer look: “They thought I was the coolest.” She has never looked back

And that’s how it should be–a woman should be allowed to dress in a manner in which she is comfortable.

But yet women in France are being told that their manner of dress is not acceptable. That they don’t know their own minds and therefore cannot possibly have chosen to dress in such a manner, so therefore, they should not be allowed to dress in such a manner.

It’s 2016; how have we not reached the point where women can wear whatever the hell they want without some government stepping in to tell us they know what is best for us? That what we wear affects people OTHER than ourselves therefore we must toe the government line for how we clothe ourselves?

Why are more women around the world not ENRAGED by this?

Of course, some women are unhappy with these laws. Here’s a lovely image from France, of women who are standing up for their rights of their sisters to dress as they please:

Note that none of the women are the least bit upset by how the other women around them are dressed. In fact, they seem to be enjoying the company.

Because that’s the point. We should support the rights of others to dress as they please.

Mind you, I don’t particularly want to see half-nekkid people, and the thought of sitting in a chair after someone wearing short-shorts squicks me out a bit but that’s my problem to deal with (which is why all my shorts come down almost to my knees). It doesn’t give me the right to order other people to dress in a manner that makes me happy and comfortable.

To close, here is a picture of my in MY swimsuit (no one mocked me or tried to fine or arrest me for my clothes).

I don’t dress modestly because of some government or religious edict (in fact, I’m close to agnostic). I dress modestly because that is how I am comfortable dressing.

And that is and should remain MY choice and MY decision.

——

For the curious or interested, my top is a rash guard from Coolibar, which makes UPF 50 clothing and swimwear.

—

This does not mean I won’t mock creepy men who wear speedos and act like god’s gift to women. Because there’s dressing as you like, and then there’s being an asshole. The latter is always deserving of mockery.

If you’re a teenager, I imagine your favorite activity is to sit with your parents on a quiet river bank, drink your glass of lemonade, and ponder the complexities of life. Probably the first question you ask is “How much water is flowing in this river?” You’ve come to the right place for an answer. The U.S. Geological Survey has been measuring streamflow on thousands of rivers and streams for many decades

from the The USGS Water Science School

Today as we were driving past the VFD, we saw they had all their hoses laid out in their driveway, and a little girl in a sun dress was leaping over the hoses, one at a time, all the way across the lot.

Last night at Sirriani’s Cafe (in Canaan Valley) we were seated near an elderly couple. (OK, we were seated near everyone–it’s a small place.)

When the couple went to pay, the waitress told them that a woman at another table had already paid for their meal. Just because.

And when they went to leave, since a pouring rain had started, the other employee got out a big umbrella and walked them to their car.

Thank you, to those who have served, who are currently serving, and to their families.

Thank you.