…I wouldn’t have any luck at all.

It started out innocently enough. I was doing the prep work for dinner. I try to do it early, so I’m not rushed, because I tend to hurt myself when I’m rushed (ironic foreshadowing).

I was making pizza, so I decided that onion rings would look nice, so I was cutting slices off a whole onion when the knife slipped (you saw that coming, didn’t you?) and I cut a substantial chunk out of the side of my finger at the top joint. (I did mention I was cutting onion, didn’t I?)

As it doesn’t want to stop bleeding, Michael & I rig up bandages so the wound is covered and we wrap another bandage tight to apply pressure,

Then I walk around all afternoon with my finger sticking up, to keep the cut elevated and above he heart. (When you’re as clumsy as I am you learn all the tricks.)

Four hours later, after we finish up dinner, my mom goes to help me change the bandages (not something I could manage one handed.). Despite everything, the cut is bleeding as bad as it when it first happened.

So, off to urgent care we go. All four of us (my parents sat in the lobby and played cards with Michael (we’ve spent a fair amount of time in emergency rooms, my family has.))

So, the nurse looks at it. Then the PA comes in and looks at it. Then the PA comes back with the doctor. At one point there were actually four people in the room with me: the doctor, the PA, and two nurses. After reassuring me that I’m not going to bleed to death (my response: I certainly hope not!) the doctor says I’ve managed to sever an artery. He doesn’t want to cauterize it if he doesn’t have to, since it could cause nerve damage since there is an inch size chunk of skin/flesh missing. So I get some kind of bandage with a clotting agent, and he says that it may continue to bleed like this for a few days, so I need to come back tomorrow so they can change the bandage.

Then they wrap my entire finger in white gauze, till it looks twice its size.

Then they put me in a SLING to keep my finger elevated.

There was nothing I could do from there but laugh. All the way out to the lobby, all the way out to the car, all the way home.

Only I could slice one finger and end up with my entire arm in a sling.

Boy is work tomorrow going to be fun.