I’ve been reading Andrew M Greely’s Blackie Ryan mysteries, and they put me in a somewhat melancholy mood—not the stories, the theology. He writes of a loving and forgiving God. Such a God seems foreign to much of Christianity, where a stern and demanding Old Testament God holds sway.

The problem is that the God of so much of the Catholic church is a strange and foreign entity to me. The God who tells us what we can not and should not do, as opposed to the God I’ve read described by Karen Armstrong and Andrew Greely, a loving God who wants us to be happy and to love each other. I realize that sounds like dopey 60s stuff, but isn’t that essentially what the Golden Rule tell us? Aren’t the Beatitudes merely an expansion of that?

At church I saw those who abused their kids hold prominent positions. I saw Catholic teachers at my Catholic school cheating to put their kids ahead of others. And I saw a tremendous amount of cruelty. It seemed impossible to square what I read in the bible with the actions I saw in the church and the school. Other Christian churches seem just as bad. Those who are not part of the select group are damned to hell. That certainly doesn’t make one think of a kind and loving God.

To me, the parables and teachings of Jesus emphasized treating others well (The Parable of the Good Samaritan Luke 10: 25-37), refusing to judge others (Jesus and the Adultress John 8:1-11), seeking peace (Love for Enemies Matthew 5:43-48). But so much of Christianity seems to focus upon the vengeful God of the Old Testament—and only particular parts to be honest. Whatever supports a particular person’s agenda.

So much of Christianity seems to focus upon berating others for their actions (despite Jesus’ commentary on Judging Others Matthew 7:1-6) and listing lots of thou shalt nots. When my youngest cousin was confirmed last year, I was quite dismayed at the cardinal’s sermon. It seemed to focus entirely upon what the young people should not be doing—sex and drugs—instead of what those young people had done, and should continue to do in the future, such as being an active part of the church and caring for those less fortunate than themselves. Considering that this was a rather affluent VA church whose teens all should have bright and prosperous futures, I found the focus somewhat disconcerting to say the least.

It was as if the cardinal saw only the negative potential of the teens in front of them, and desired only to warn them away from the path of evil. He was unable to complement them on the work they had done so far, and tell them all the marvelous and wonderful things they could do with their faith and their future.

At that’s how much of modern Christianity strikes me. So much focus upon what we’re doing wrong, so much focus upon technicalities. Women should be submissive to their fathers and husbands. Abortion is an evil that must be stopped through legislation and force. Books, movies, and music are leading people astray. Anyone who disagrees with you politically is a bad person who should be immediately discounted.

I don’t know, perhaps it’s just me reacting to all the horrible stuff out there in the world. I know there are lots of people out there doing to type of work that Mother Theresa did, without the publicity she received, but when all I read in the news is murder and hatred and war, it’s often hard to believe in the good that people are capable of, and it’s even harder to believe that the church and the God that Andrew Greeley describes actually exist.