As I’ve mentioned previously, I’ve been having issues with my depression recently. This isn’t a new thing–I’ve been dealing with it since I was sixteen–but events over the past several months have conspired to push my mood further and further out of my control.

I’ve been trying to do everything I’m supposed to, and met with only limited success. I think I’ve plateaued (Wait. Does plateau refer only to an upward rise or does it also count in downward spirals? Nevermind. You know what I mean.)

What does this mean? It means I have very little patience, very little tolerance, and everything frustrates me. My home situation makes this a serious problem as I’m not discussing my problems with my grandmother, because she will immediately assume she is the cause of those problems, and then she’ll get upset and feel extremely guilty, and then I’LL feel even more guilty and feel worse…. and you can see where this is going.

Why I’m bringing this up is because Grandmom is now in Virginia spending a week and a half with my aunt. What I am hoping is this will give me some true downtime to try and get myself back together, and start the long haul back up to normalcy.

Where I’m having difficulty is that I keep debating whether I should ask my doctor to increase my prescription. Yes, I’ve been under a lot of stress, and that stress is receding, so in theory I may be able to climb out myself. On the other hand, I may simply be making things harder for myself by thinking I can do it all myself.

Tough call.

Starting Friday I’m taking three days off work for a mini vacation. I’m going to get a massage and pamper myself on Friday. Probably go out to dinner and maybe even lunch. (Drinks are a toss-up. Alcohol and I are not best friends when I’m depressed, so I try and avoid it to avoid the stupidity that goes along with it. But it is relaxing in extremely small amounts.)

Do I need anything? No. I just want to share this because it’s what’s going on in my life, and as I said when I started writing about depression, until we can be honest about mental illness and our issues with it, those of us who suffer will continue to feel stigmatized.

It shouldn’t happen, but it does.

So I like to speak up, because there are still many people who can’t talk about their mental health problems, because their employers and family or friends wouldn’t understand.

I don’t think my situation is unique or special. I just hope that by talking about my problems, perhaps I can convince just one person to see mental health as something to be treated the way we treat diabetes or high blood pressure, not a personal failing.

Because let me tell you, it feel like a personal failing from the inside, so the last thing we need are people on the outside reinforcing that idea.

This wasn’t supposed to be a tirade. I don’t really need to gather any excess anger or indignation. I just like to occasionally explain the world from my point of view.