The only mystery in this book, is why I bothered to read it all the way through.

Yes, it’s one of my very rare bad reviews. I’m not sure that my full level of annoyance shines through, however. I mean, a couple chapters in I was telling Michael I just wanted to finish it so I could move onto something else. But I kept reading. Which I suppose is the most positive thing I can say about it.

Because I know you were dying to know, I ended up getting 16 hours of sleep between Friday evening and Saturday evening. And 9 hours of sleep last night.

Now I feel like I’ll be wound up for the rest of my natural life.

But on the bright side, I don’t have the cold Michael came down with. I have, however, washed my hands seemingly continually since he started to get sick.

Also, I hadn’t mentioned in awhile that I’ve read quite a few books recently, so there are that many reviews up. Read both good mysteries and good supernatural fantasy. Which means that I’m trying to figure out what I want to read next, while the sequels to the books I read ship from Amazon. (Damn Amazon for it’s 4-for-3 sales!)

Authors pronouncing their names.

And usually telling a quick story about the pronunciation or history of their name.

That’s the thing about depression. It sneaks up on you when you aren’t paying attention, and just when you think that everything’s hunky dory, BAM.

Okay, it’s not quite that bad, but I’ve been in a funk for the past week that I just can’t seem to shake. Worst part is I know what’s wrong, but it’s all out of my control. Which is not such a good thing for someone with OCD.

So lemme get it all out and see that gets it off my mind.

First and foremost is the recurring issue that I’m not going to bring up in a public space. Michael and I spent a lot of time discussing this issue this evening, and I’m once again back to the mantra, “it’s not me, it’s her.”

Secondly, something I haven’t much talked about, is that several older women in my life are seriously ill and or dying. Michael’s grandmother has slowly failing kidneys, and has been refusing dialysis for the past year, so it’s only a matter of time. She’s in a nursing home, and with her physical problems, doesn’t get out of bed very much.

Then my cousin’s grandmother (I actually spent a lot of time with my cousin’s grandparents when I was younger. They were a lot of fun.) suffered a series of small strokes, and is now under hospice care in a nursing home. I was sent a picture two weeks ago, and was shocked to see how thin she has become. It’s hard, because she wants to go home, but that’s is physically impossible at this point.

The just before New Year’s, my other grandmother had a series of small strokes, and is currently in a rehab center. She is also apparently suffering from dementia, and her lucidity comes and goes.

And then there is the fact that I have a horrible phobia of nursing homes. As in, it’s so bad just the idea of going into one freaks me out (as in nausea and hyperventilating freaking out), and I haven’t set foot in one since I was eight. (Long story at an impressionable age) So: guilt and depression.

That is not to say that I’ve done nothing. I write weekly, and we send flowers regularly, to cheer up their rooms. But it’s not the same as being there. And being me, I always feel like there is more I should be doing.

Is there anything I could plausibly be doing? I don’t know. Is there anything else I should be doing? Probably not if I want to retain my sanity. Are there things I should be doing? Yeah, I need to do a better job safeguarding my own mental health. Problem is, taking care of myself feels like I’m wasting time when I could be doing something more useful for other people, even though I know I do a crappy job taking care of others when I’m depressed. (Hey! Catch 22!)

So what do I do? Take my meds. Exercise. Write my letters. Send flowers. Take care of myself. Relax.

Why are these things always easier said than done?

Anway, to cheer myself up this evening, I made a batch of Jeri’s “Ought to Be Illegal Cookies.” I don’t know if they’re quite as good as the double chocolate cookies I make with peanut butter chips (also from the Alice Medrich book.) but they are pretty darn good, and they hit the spot. And now I have something to take to work tomorrow for Mardi Gras.

Now if you’ll pardon me, I think it’s time for a hot relaxing shower, and then some time to curl up and read before bed.

I love words. You may or may not have noticed this about me, but really, I think language is fascinating.

Because of that fascination, I always get a word-of-the-day desk calendar, not so I know what day it is, but so I can learn new words. Last years WOTD calendar was a failure, because it had the word, the meanings, and the etymology, which meant that if I didn’t sit at my desk for a couple days, I was looking a several minutes of reading to catch up. So that was a waste.

This year, for something different, I got a Latin phrases calendar, and so far it’s quite interesting. I wish it gave more literal translations in addition to what the phrase means, but, you can’t have everything.

Here are a few recent phrases that I’d like to make note of electronically, so I don’t have to save the calendar squares for anything more than scrap paper.

Of course the phrases that interest me may also tell you something about me.

Alea iacta est.
The die is cast. – Caesar

Possunt quia posse videntur.
They can because they think they can. – Virgil

Nil homini certum est.
Nothing is certain to man. – Ovid

Spes sibi quisque.
Rely on yourself.

Michael would be the only one who could guess the geek reason why I wanted to know alea iacta est but the rest of them interesting in and of themselves. Virgil and Ovid certainly had (or else collected) a lot of wisdom.

Maybe it’s just me, but while watching Heroes this evening, I was shocked to discover that Adrian Pasdar (Heroes) looks a lot like how Mitchell Hundred (Ex Machina) is drawn.

Do you see it? Or is it just me? How about this?
Perhaps it’s just the parallels between the two characters, but still…

Are You a Vocabulary Champion?
(Why yes, yes I am!)
You got 13/15 correct.

My biggest problem was not knowing the meaning of disembarrassment. I guessed incorrectly.

As my vacation winds down, I’m going to try to read as much as possible this weekend. It doesn’t look like I’m going to get to Red Seas Under Red Skies but perhaps sometime later this year, when I feel up to dealing with a hardback book and am in the mood for high fantasy.

Which is strange, actually. For years and years I was hard pressed to read much besides high fantasy, but recently I simply have no been in the mood for it at all. Possibly because I re-read Rhapsody last year, and my stomach still hasn’t settled down quite yet. (I still think that if you ignore most of the Rhapsody bits, there’s still a fascinating story about Achmed and Grunthor. It just doesn’t take up enough of the book.)

I’m also going to try to get back onto a better sleep schedule this weekend. Staying up past 1am is not going to be good when I try to get back to waking up at 6AM to write before work.

So book reviews will appear in the side panel as I write them, otherwise, enjoy your weekend.

As I promised mysef, I’ve been reading when I haven’t been baking, and in the past day I finished an excellent mystery Bangkok 8 and then read an excellent supernatural fantasy Kitty and the Silver Bullet. As usual, links to the reviews are on the sidebar.

Now I have to figure out what I’m going to read next. I’m thinking Scott Lynch’s Red Seas Under Red Skies, which I’ve been putting off reading since it’s a hardback. But I’ve also got some supernatural fantasy I wouldn’t mind delving into. (I think I’ve cleared out most of my mystery backlog, which is too bad because that’s what I’m kinda in the mood for.)

I’ve been having strange dreams recently. Well, that’s nothing unusual, since between my imagination and the anti-depressants, I’m used to strange dreams.

What I mean is that I’ve been having strange dreams for me.

For the past week I have been having unusually violent dreams, where the protagonist (sometimes me, but not always–about half my dreams seem to be third person) gets beat up or tortured.

On one hand, the meaning seems rather obvious. Considering that part of my depression has stemmed from beating myself up over infractions both real and imagined, this seems pretty straightforward. Except for the fact that these dreams started just recently, as I have become more adept at recognizing self-blame for what it is, and refusing to blame myself for the problems of others. In other words, as my depression has retreated and I have become better at dealing with the things and people who caused me problems, my subconscious seems to have decided to make the whole “beating myself up” thing quite literal–at least in my dreams.

Is it a problem? Not really. I’ve been fascinated by dreams since I was in college, and how the most vivid ones tend to your self-consciousness sending you a message. What I’m confused about now is whether my subconscious is getting in it’s last kicks as I learn to ignore inappropriate guilt, or whether it’s trying to tell me that I’m not doing as well as I think I’m doing, and I still have lots of work ahead of me.

Or perhaps it’s simply trying to get me to finish my current WIP so I can move into a new story seeded by one of my freaky dreams.

Except that it’s really going to have to cut back on the sadism if it expects me to find anything useful.

I am disappointed to report that Andy did NOT read “Moo Baa La La La” aloud during the party. However, Heather (his wife) assures me that he will be made to do so.

Heh.

Next year? Dr Seuss. Especially the ones with the tongue twisters.

VACATION!

(throws papers in the air and runs out the door)

That’s right! I’m on vacation until the 7th of January!

(happy dance)

I’m gonna read and bake and read and relax and read and get a massage and read and play on the computer and read and… I dunno… maybe I’ll read some.

YIPPEE!

Went looking for a birthday book for a friend’s child’s first birthday this year, and I have to say that although some of the possibilities looked abysmal (Pet the different parts of the dog and don’t pull his ears? Ugh.) There’s something about Sandra Boynton that I can’t resist.

We actually had trouble deciding which two books we wanted. My final decision was based upon which two would be most ridiculous for my friend to read (Barnyard Dance was the hands down winner there). However, more annoying for Michael, we again picked up Moo Baa La La La!

All the way home in the car I kept singing “moo baa la la la!” at which point Michael remembered that I’d done the same thing when we got this book for his niece, and was wondering why he let this happen again.

That’s what he gets for having such a bad memory.

MOO! BAA! LA! LA! LA!
MOO! BAA! LA! LA! LA!
MOO! BAA! LA! LA! LA!
MOO! BAA! LA! LA! LA!

tee hee!

MOUNTAINEER E-NEWS
Dec. 13, 2007

WVU declares Dec. 27th a holiday

WVU employees on the main campus and regional/division campuses will
enjoy an additional day off during the holiday season, says WVU
President Mike Garrison.

Gov. Joe Manchin granted all state workers additional half days off on
Monday, Dec. 24, and Monday, Dec. 31.

Since WVU already had those days scheduled as holidays, the University
will instead take Thursday, Dec. 27th, as an additional holiday.

In his announcement, Manchin urged state employees to use the time off
to “enjoy family, friends and celebrations that bind us together.”

Employees who already requested that time off will not be charged
annual leave. Please work with your Expert Business Office (EBOs) to
retract your request. Benefits will also remind EBOs to cancel any leave
requests for Dec. 27th.

For additional information or clarification, call the Classification
and Compensation unit at 293-4809.

Official University holidays will now be Dec. 24-27, Dec. 31 and Jan.
1. WVU will be open and operating Friday, Dec. 28th.

Since I was already taking the 27th off, I’m now shifting that vacation day to the 4th. Which means that I won’t have to go back to work until the 7th now. Yippee!

If I don’t come back from vacation feeling relaxed, then there is something seriously wrong with me. Oh. Sorry. Something else seriously wrong with me.

(bounces off in glee)