I’ve been watching the uproar over Facebook with a fair amount of bemusement.

Yes, I am on Facebook and have been there for awhile, however, from the beginning I have been careful what information I placed there. If you could find it by doing a public search of my name, I was OK placing on Facebook, otherwise, for get it. So my address and phone number have never been on listed, and the only e-mail addresses are my work address (which you can find it you search my name) and my address I give out to businesses and such. And neither of those was ever public. (Go ahead. Search for me on Facebook. See what you find.)

Yes, I probably do know a bit more about online privacy than most people, but it seems to me that not placing your phone number and address on a free website is a reasonable thing to do. If someone needs that information, they can e-mail me (or search for my work number–that’s out in the wild as well.)

But that’s where we get to the part I don’t quite get.

Facebook is a FREE service. It provides you with e-mail and a place to post pictures and an easy way to stay in contact with family and friends–all at absolutely NO COST TO THE USER!

Why on earth are people offended when a free service does things to make money? It’s not like there is a legal requirement that you use Facebook, it’s not like you are required to post your address or phone number, or give them anything more than a throw away e-mail address (OK, yes it was different in the beginning, when you need to have an edu account, but that’s essentially a public address.)

TANSTAAFL people!

Believe it or not, the internet costs money! Facebook (and Google and Yahoo and everyone else) has to pay money for the hardware upon which their content sits. And the busier your site, and the more content you have, the more expensive the underlying architecture.

For example, it costs me about $100 a year for hosting for this site. That’s about what I’ve been paying since Michael bought me my domain for Christmas a really long time ago (and I’ve used a variety of hosting services over time.)

Because I pay for this site, I expect certain things in return, such as prompt customer service, privacy, and the ability to do as I please (within reason) with my site.

I do not have the same expectations about Facebook. They are providing something for free, so I expect that they will want something in return, in this case, advertising.

You get what you pay for, and if the dollar amount you pay is free, then you’re going to have to expect to pay the price in some other way.

Would I pay if Facebook changed to a pay service? It depends upon how much they charged and whether those I keep in touch with remained on Facebook.

In many ways, I really like Facebook–I like a semi-secure place where I can keep track of a variety of friends and control to some degree what information is available to those who are not my friends. I love regaining contact with people I haven’t seen in years–yes, there are people who I don’t care as much about, but I can hide their status updates if they post things that annoy me, so it all comes out in the wash.

So yes, I would be willing to pay a small amount for Facebook; less than I pay to host my own site though–I don’t love it that much.

And that is what I think people need to keep in mind when they get all up in arms about the way Facebook or any other free service treats their information: You have recognize you’re going to pay the price in one way or another. Realize this, and privacy concerns really shouldn’t be an issue.

Several friends have noticed that we’re suddenly being friended more frequently.

I’d been pretty much checking out Facebook every couple weeks (mostly to keep tabs on my cousins), until sometime last month when I started getting contacts from people I hadn’t heard from in years.

Which is cool, because it’s nice to see how people are doing.

But it’s also made me somewhat uncomfortable.

As I said before, I’ve been using it for the past year and a half to keep tabs on my cousins, and a couple of friends–primarily friends from the Internet, but some friends that I knew/know in person as well. And it’s been fun for that, but the applications I quickly grew bored with. If I’m going to waste my time on the Internet, I’d rather waste it leaving comments on friends blogs than testing my trivia knowledge (Yes, the Princess Bride trivia game is addictive, which is why I stopped playing.)

But as I said, things suddenly picked up, and that’s where I ran into difficulty.

As I’ve said before, I really didn’t like high school. I was a geek, I was unattractive, and my depression and OCD were out of control. That is not a recipe for happiness, let me tell you. So with some exceptions, I don’t have fond memories of that time in my life.

Part of the reason is because I felt like an outcast. (See: unattractive geekiness) I often felt like I was on the outside looking in, and it was a really horrible feeling.

Then I went to college, and eventually from there I graduated, and at some point after that (not immediately mind you) I started to get my life together. (And that’s about all that needs to be said about that.)

So what does this have to do with Facebook?

It has to do with “friending” people.

I remember what it was like to not have friends, and to have people who didn’t want to be my friends. I got over it, but I remember the feeling.

Which is why I really dislike it when people I really don’t want to get back in contact friend me.

Let’s face it, I’ve got this place that I’ve had for years. If someone really wants to know about me they can come here and read about me and comment if they want. I can’t keep anyone from reading here, although I can control what people say. (NOTE: Unless your comment is spam or incredibly crude and offensive, I won’t delete it. You remain obnoxious I may disemvowel you, but I won’t delete you.)

And that’s fine with me.

Facebook isn’t the same way.

You have to choose to let someone be your friend.

What if I don’t want to be Facebook friends with someone? Isn’t refusing to friend someone kind of mean? Isn’t it exclusionary? Isn’t it the same thing that made me unhappy when I was younger, being purposefully excluded?

I know. I’m agonizing over a decision that someone may or may not even notice, because I’m remembering that someone was mean to me 20 years ago.

But it does makes uncomfortable. I must either be a liar and pretend to be friends with someone who I don’t consider a friend, or I purposefully exclude them.

So far, I’ve just ignored those friend requests, not knowing what to do with them. But it still makes me feel like a jerk. Especially since I like being able to keep track of people with whom I’ve lost contact. But I’m afraid that as Facebook continues to expand, I’m going to be faced with this dilemma more and more often.

So what do you all do? (Other than not having anything at all to do with Facebook. That horse has already left the barn. Guess that’s the problem with being an early tech adopter.) Or am I the only person in the world to feel guilty about things like this?