For the most part, geeks are willing to help you fix your computer–we WANT you to like technology as much as we do, and we want you to understand how to use your computer and (hopefully) learn how to fix it yourself.

BUT

Please keep in mind several things:

1. We are doing you a favor. Be polite. If the problem takes a long time to fix, at the VERY LEAST offer to buy us dinner or the legal beverage of our choice.

2. Not all problems can be fixed. This is not our fault. Additionally, we all have different areas of expertise. So even if a problem is fixable, it might not be within our area of expertise. If we contact a friend for additional assistance, you now owe that person dinner as well.

3. If you don’t take steps to keep your computer safe, such as running an anti-virus program, problems will happen again and again.

The following are helpful things to tell us when you’re asking for help:

1) What operating system are you using?

a) If you are using a Windows system, to find your specific system, look at the start button in the lower left corner of the screen. If the button is a circle, you
re probably running Windows 7. If the button is a rectangle and says “Start” you’re probably running Windows XP.

b) If you are using a Macintosh, click the apple icon in the top left corner. From the menu select “About This Mac”.

c) Word and Internet Explorer are NOT operating systems. They are programs that run ON your operating system.

2) What web browser are you using? (if you’re having web problems)

3) How comfortable are you with computers?
a) Dude, I know more than you, except for this specific thing
b) Everyone I know asks me questions, but I’m not an expert per se
c) I can generally figure things out on my own
d) More often than not, my computer gets the best of me
e) My computer regularly senses fear and attacks

It is TOTALLY OKAY to be 3e. We just need to know that up front, because how comfortable you are changes how much information we give you, what information we give you, and how we explain things to you. (Can I just tell you to go to the control panel, or do I need to take you step by step though how to get to the control panel?)

4. If we can see what your screen looks like, that makes it a WHOLE lot easier to help you. The steps below will let you take a picture of your problem to send to us.

Mac: Command + Shift + 4 (The space bar toggles between capturing a window and the snipping tool)
Windows 7: Start -> All Programs -> Accessories -> Snipping Tool
Office 2010: Insert tab -> Screen shot -> select an open window or choose Screen Clipping

5. DO NOT RANDOMLY CLICK WHILE WE’RE WALKING YOU THROUGH SOMETHING. Chances are you already guessed incorrectly. You won’t get it right this time, either. Which means we now have to backtrack. If you do this often enough, we’ll stop answering the phone when you call.

If you’d like a primer on what NOT to do, see the following (both contain strong language and scatological humor, both of which are deployed by anyone doing computer support, on a regular basis): Cracked: 6 Reasons The Guy Who’s Fixing Your Computer Hates You and The Oatmeal: Why It’s Better to Pretend You Don’t Know Anything about Computers

If you’ve done any of the things mentioned in those articles, immediately send an apology to your friend / relative who helps you with your computer, along with a gift certificate for dinner for two at their favorite (expensive) restaurant.