Haven’t Done One of these in Awhile
I realized that I haven’t given you all an update on my depression recently–or much of anything else, really.
I’m no longer maxed out on Zoloft, and I’m hoping that when I go back to the doctor we’ll step it back even more. I know I need the meds, but I’d like to be on a much lower maintenance dose. Much lower.
I’m still sorting out my feelings about Grandmom moving to live with my aunt, but I think in most ways the situation is better for her there. But I miss her. And miss hearing her lecture the cats.
We’ve partially, but not completely, reclaimed her room. There are still a couple boxes of her things in her closet, and a box of Christmas stuff downstairs, but for the major transformation from Grandmom’s room to spare bedroom/sewing room has taken place. There’s still quite a bit I want to do, but it no longer feels like I’m invading her space when I go in there now, which it did for a long time.
I’m also sleeping better, which helps. I’m a morning person, and love the light earlier in the morning. I know that makes me a mutant, but I’d much rather get up early, get to work early, and then be done with work early and have more time in the evening for myself than stay up late and feel rushed and behind all day.
On the exercise front–I could be doing a whole lot better. I’m getting my 30 minutes at work, and I’m walking from work, but I’m getting very little weight training, which is not so good. But I’m trying. I really am. Especially since I haven’t gotten on a scale since before I broke my ankle, since I know I will NOT be pleased with the results.
I’m not back to writing yet–not even close–but I feel like the bits of me involved in such endeavors are slowly coming back to life. I’m taking lots of pictures, which I am hoping is another way to come sideways at the writing issue, but being “creative” in a different manner. Plus, I discovered I really love taking pictures.
The OCD portion is so-so, but it’s manifesting right now in a need to organize and reorganize, which is actually reasonable since we’re in the midst of reclaiming Grandmom’s bedroom and rearranging parts of the house. So I’m putting that to good use, and trying to channel the less helpful impulses into useful activities.
Anxiety goes up and down; weekends we care for Grandmom are a lot more stressful, but that’s because she needs a LOT more care than she did when she was here, and it makes me feel inadequate. Plus, it’s hard to see the woman who has been such a strong and guiding force in my life needing so much help. Don’t get me wrong, I am privileged to be able to give her that help, but it just doesn’t seem right, somehow.
And that’s where we are. Slowly–slowly–getting better, but it’s been a steady climb with no back tracking, so really, I call that a win.
