I came across an article discussing at the results of a study of antidepressants.

The study found that the anti-depressant Paxil (and in theory all SSRIs) do more than alleviate the patient’s depression, it found that the anti-depressant actually changed the personality of those taking the drug.

In the study, people who took Paxil (paroxetine), a selective serotonin-reuptake inhibitor (SSRI), had a drop in neuroticism, which is a tendency toward emotional instability and negative mood. They also had an increase in extraversion, which is a tendency toward outgoingness, compared to similarly depressed people taking placebo.

As someone who takes anti-depressants, am I unsure how I feel about this.

The drugs I am changing may well be changing my entire personality, and not just alleviating my depression? Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?

Part of me is disturbed by the idea of a personality change, but the greater part of me enjoys being more outgoing, and I definitely prefer being emotionally stable to the alternative. (I’m prone to mood swings anyway, and if they annoy me, I’m sure they’re far worse for those around me.)

So emotional stability is a good thing, and for me, an increase in extroversion is a good thing. But is it possible someone could decide that introversion itself is something that should be treated? Would it be acceptable to treat someone with an SSRI because they are introverted, even if they aren’t depressed? Would an SSRI even affect the introversion of someone who was not depressed?

As usual, I have no answers, only more questions. But for me, I’m pleased with the effect that the anti-depressant I am taking has upon both my mood and personality, so I’ll take that as a good thing.

And I wasn’t even at work until today!

I’ve taken a mini vacation from work to try and get myself together. Didn’t go anywhere, and the strenuous activities were cleaning out the fridge/freezer/cabinets and dropping of donations to Christian Help and getting rid of the recycling.

Mostly, I read. (I’d wanted to go to the arboretum and maybe take pictures, but until late this afternoon, the weather was abysmal.)

Yet I’m still tired.

My goal was to see how I felt at the end of this vacation, and then decide from there if I was going to call the doctor about increasing the dosage on my anti-depressant. I think the answer I’ve gotten is that although I’m better, I’m still not what I’d consider good, so it looks like I need to make a phone call.

It’s a hard decision to make, even though it shouldn’t be, because no matter what I know rationally, it still feels like a personal failure, being unable to get myself out of this on my own.

It’s stupid that the brain and the gut can disagree so soundly. Especially when both are at fault in failing to properly regulate my serotonin levels. :)