Paris Daillencourt Is About to Crumble

Paris Daillencourt Is About to Crumble (2022) Alexis Hall (Winner Bakes All)

I should not have read this book.

Main character with an undiagnosed anxiety disorder (that does get diagnosed), on-page panic attack, hospital stay due to panic attack, treatment plan for anxiety disorder discussed, emotionally unavailable parents, very graphic swearing, cyberbullying, religious and racial microaggressions, Islamophobia (challenged).

That first line, that was the problem.

I saw and recognized exactly what was happening with Paris–and was unable to do anything about it.

He knew that there had been a time— even a fairly recent time— when he didn’t feel miserable and hate himself, and he knew that there would be a time— perhaps even quite soon— when he’d be unmiserable and self-nonhating again. But he knew it in the same detached, abstract way that he knew that his whole body was made entirely of empty space held together with electric fields. It might have been true, but it didn’t really mean anything.

That was not a good thing for my brain.

If only there was an app that would detect when you’d fucked up a social situation so badly you needed to bail. And then bail you.

So many things I recognized.

“Sorry. Sorry. It’s just he’ll be here soon and I’m in my head and—”

“Paris, are you ever anywhere else?”

“No. No, I’m not.”

And hated recognizing.

Drinking to forget never really worked for Paris. Everyone knew alcohol was supposed to lower your inhibitions, but the particular inhibitions he’d found it removed were the ones stopping his brain spiralling down the plughole of improbable catastrophe.

(T)he part of his brain that firmly believed he shouldn’t have nice things was not-so-politely asking him whether that wasn’t a bit weird?

“Because, genuinely, wearing clothes that don’t fit you has the opposite effect from the one you think it has.”

“Nrugh?” asked Paris.

“You see someone dressed nicely in well-fitting clothes. You think ah, there’s a person. You see someone trying to hide inside their jumper, you think hmm, what’s that guy’s deal, why’s he made that unusual fashion choice.”

There was a lot that was wonderful in this story, but watching Paris spiral–and then get bullied for it, was just too much for me.

Publisher: Forever

Rating: NR

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