Michelle: What’s on that bottom shelf, behind all the bags of kitty litter?
Michael: (pause) Plates.
Michelle: Plates? Oh. The Star Trek plates. Behind the kitty litter is a good place for them.
Michael: When I get my man cave those plates are going up!
Michelle: Thank God we can’t afford to move.

First:

The clip, a kind of literature snuff film, opens with Lauren resting her hand on her victims: a stack of books whose spines she will soon rip out.

Second:

It has always been my belief that people who spend too much time with my work end up as lost souls, drained of reason, who lead lives of raving emptiness and occasional lunatic violence. What a relief it is to see this documented.

What kind of writer are you?

You’re a Ernest Hemingway. You chose clear and unflashy words that get right to the point. Other writers known for this style are George Orwell and Raymond Carver. Try your hand at a six-word memoir, consider a career in journalism, and maintain an active Twitter account.

Sounds about right.

Last night I finished a book I enjoyed, but HOLY CARP the cover is HORRIFIC.

Interestingly, I searched online for images, and none of the images I found had the sheer horrificness of fake blood that was on my cover.

My guess is that someone fixed the cover, for later printings. Which makes the current cover bad, but not quite as OMFG YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING horrible.

So, here it is:

Seriously. Click through the Flickr to see larger OMG AWFUL.

Just to prove I didn’t photoshop that horrible blood in there, here is my co-worker Meredith, reacting to the cover.

If you click through to Flickr, you can view full size and still see the horrific blood drips there.

FWIW, I then loaned the book to Meredith to read, because it really is a good book.

(more…)

OMG it is so hot I can’t stand it. Really. If this continues, I’m going to have to move somewhere cooler.

Monongalia County has broken or tied maximum temperature records for June and July seven times. Six of those records were broken in a ten day period. (6/20/2012, 6/29/2012, 7/4/2012, 7/6/2012, 7/7/2012, 7/8/2012, 7/9/2012)

We may have broken that streak today, with a high of only 90F. Which is still unpleasantly hot. (Average historical temperatures should be in the low to mid 80s.)

And rain! (Or lack thereof.) Never do I remember it being this dry. Ever.

Here’s the “departure from normal” for West Virginia.

And the Eastern panhandle is even worse off than we are.

On top of this, there are still “a few thousand” people who don’t have power from the June 29th storm.

That’s right, people haven’t had power while temperatures have hit record highs.

I know full well that the plural of anecdote is not data, but this weather is abnormal, and I really don’t want this to become the new normal.

Michael: You know what they say, the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
Michelle: No, the fastest way to a man’s heart…
In unison: …is through his rib cage.

(more…)

We have two different kinds of magnetic clips for our refrigerator. One kind is for chip bags, and the clips live on the fridge so we can find them.

The second kind are small clips that I use to display postcards on the fridge.

Both kinds, apparently, are fascinating to two-year olds.

(more…)

“Good Morning,” said Deep Thought at last.
“Er..good morning, O Deep Thought” said Loonquawl nervously, “do you have…er, that is…”
“An Answer for you?” interrupted Deep Thought majestically. “Yes, I have.”
The two men shivered with expectancy. Their waiting had not been in vain.
“There really is one?” breathed Phouchg.
“There really is one,” confirmed Deep Thought.
“To Everything? To the great Question of Life, the Universe and everything?”
“Yes.”
Both of the men had been trained for this moment, their lives had been a preparation for it, they had been selected at birth as those who would witness the answer, but even so they found themselves gasping and squirming like excited children.
“And you’re ready to give it to us?” urged Loonsuawl.
“I am.”
“Now?”
“Now,” said Deep Thought.
They both licked their dry lips.
“Though I don’t think,” added Deep Thought. “that you’re going to like it.”
“Doesn’t matter!” said Phouchg. “We must know it! Now!”
“Now?” inquired Deep Thought.
“Yes! Now…”
“All right,” said the computer, and settled into silence again. The two men fidgeted. The tension was unbearable.
“You’re really not going to like it,” observed Deep Thought.
“Tell us!”
“All right,” said Deep Thought. “The Answer to the Great Question…”
“Yes..!”
“Of Life, the Universe and Everything…” said Deep Thought.
“Yes…!”
“Is…” said Deep Thought, and paused.
“Yes…!”
“Is…”
“Yes…!!!…?”
“Forty-two,” said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm.”

Please also wish the same to Sarah.

And although this isn’t her Douglas Adams year, felicitations also to Kathy.

ADDENDUM the First:
Five hours later, I was sitting in the dark because a storm knocked the power out.

Advice from Nora Ephron

“You should eat delicious things while you can still eat them, go to wonderful places while you still can…”

“…be the heroine of your life, not the victim…”

Who ordered this? Can I refuse delivery? SEND IT BACK!

I don’t think this is any better…