Glitterland

Glitterland (2018) Alexis Hall (Spires)

I kept reading the synopsis of this story and thinking, “I don’t know if this is my kind of story.” But I utterly adored Boyfriend Material as well as Waiting for the Flood, so I decided to try it.

It opens with a the aftermath of a one-night-stand and the main character, Ash, having a panic attack.

And a blow up with one of his best friends–and ex-boyfriend.

“God,” I said, petulant as a child, “if I’m such a horrendous waste of your time, why do you bother?”

Once upon a time he might have said: Because I love you.

Once upon a time he might have said: Because I care about you.

“Because I feel guilty all the fucking time,” he snapped. “And because the last time I didn’t bother, you tried to kill yourself.”

The words echoed through my head. I tugged at my cuffs, pulling them down until they hung over the heels of my hand. One of the unadvertised advantages of bespoke tailoring. All my shirts were cut this way.

So Ash is a mess. He’s trying–sort of–but he’s a mess.

I’d fuck up and let them down, they’d feel sad, I’d feel sad, they’d feel sad for making me feel sad, and so on, and so on, and so on. As if I didn’t bear enough frustration and regret on my own account, without also feeling guilty for hurting the people who loved me.

That hit close to home.

One of the things I especially loved is that nothing was as clear cut and easy as it seemed. Ash’s memory is a mess from his treatments, and he’s terrified of going back over the edge.

I wouldn’t have called myself a superstitious man, but when it came to the intricacies of my biochemistry, the complexities of my illness, I was as helpless as a frightened child who prayed to a god called science.

That’s something else I have lived. And it sucks.

But it’s not all angst. There are lovely funny bits.

“Greg and Laura are getting divorced so they both decided not to come in case they met without a lawyer present. Although since Max knows about eighty lawyers, I don’t know what they were worried about.”

Which is good because they helped offset the bits that made me cry.

The other thing I adored is the language. I think I want to hear the audio version, because I am not up on my British accents, and although he did an excellent job writing how much of an accent Darian has, I still kinda wanna hear it.

Again, lovely. A bit more angsty than I was prepared for (because it’s 2020, so it’s all fluff all the time) but the funny bits worked well to offset the hard parts.

Rating: 8.5/10

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