I’ve always been delighted to celebrate by birthday–it’s an excuse to eat lots of dessert and make people be nice to me. What more could anyone wish out of a day?

Because of that, I’ve never been upset by the passing of the years. And more importantly, to be honest I never thought I’d live to see 30. No, this isn’t due entirely to me depression. I was a child in the 70s and 80s, and I was quite sure Ronald Reagan was going to start a nuclear war with the Soviets and the world as we know it would be destroyed over political differences. Thus living to 39 so far has come as a surprise and a quite a pleasant one at that.

Though my depression did play a small part in that, which is why a couple years ago I decided that by my 40th birthday I wanted to accept myself for who I am: good, bad, or indifferent. So for the past two years I’ve been working on being OK with myself. This has in no way been an easy task, but I’ve been learning things to make it easier: eating well and exercising are probably at the top of the list. That accomplishes two things: First, I know I’m doing what I can for myself, so that makes acceptance easier. Second, eating decently and exercising make me feel physically better. And feeling physically better makes me feel mentally better.

I’m also doing what I can to learn to deal with my “faults.” My hair is troublesome, so I learned that I have to pay extra for good haircuts and stuff that keeps my hair from being frizzy. I get stressed out and cranky, so I learned that I have to take time for myself, or I make everyone miserable.

Doesn’t mean I still don’t have work ahead of my in the coming year. I’ve never been comfortable in my own skin, so accepting my body is still something I have not truly learned to do. But I’m getting better.

And I think I can do it.

In which case, I think I should have a big celebration next year! Three years of work to accepting myself as well as simply surviving longer than I expected seem like an excellent reason to celebrate. So I’m taking suggestions for how I should celebrate my 40th birthday next year.

Anything within reason will be considered, but please keep in mind that I don’t like the sun very much, so a trip to the beach is not even within the realm of possibility.

So what’da’ya think?

Also, happy birthday to Kathy!

And most importantly: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Yup! It’s my BIRTHDAY! Woo! Everyone should celebrate!

And how should you celebrate? You should celebrate by doing something that makes you happy!

My happy plans including going out to lunch with friends and having molten lava chocolate cakes for dessert!

Sometimes I am quite baffled by the search terms that come in for my blog.

I mean, in the past month there were 18 different searches for me? I find that… unlikely.

But I have had some particularly awesome searches recently.

hot chicks with banjos
Eight different searches for this? Really? I am ashamed to admit that I can’t even think of any female banjo players off the top of my head. And as much as I like the banjo, I don’t see myself taking up stringed instruments again. I’m entirely too lazy for the work required to become good.

things that make people mad
Republicans.

bad reviews in 2009 on the abacus group
I have no idea how this search landed someone at my website. In fact, I can’t even remember talking about abacuses here. Not that I haven’t discussed them before, but still…

peonies buds shrink up and look like the
Well hell, now I want to know the answer to that.

broccoli midgets
OK, the Enchanted Broccoli Forest comes to mind, but I know I’ve never written about that.

3.141592653589
and
2.7182818284
Add ’em together and you get a tasty pastry.

this is not sophie
Oh yes. Yes, it is Not Sophie.

TAG! You’re it!

I often complain about my hair, but no one seems to take me seriously.

I’ve spent the evening reading, and when I read I often absentmindedly run my fingers through my hair.

Here is the result:

One day I’ll stop being crushed at work, and then I won’t have to write all my posts for the week the previous weekend.

But that time is not now. Let’s play word association shall we?

Ready? Chronicle

I can’t believe the weekend took this long to get here, but it’s finally Saturday. Went to the Farmer’s Market even though it was raining, and since we got out of the house early this morning, I’ve actually cleaned the house–or at least the living room and kitchen.

Unfortunately the humidity and the temperature are the same, so it’s miserable outside.

Other than that, I’ve got some baking to do this evening for tomorrow’s quick visit by UCF member neurondoc and her family.

Mmmm…. baking.

At some point life is going to slow down and I’ll be able to do more than write posts for the entire freaking week on Sunday night.

But I have no idea when that time is going to be. So until then, it’s time for word association!

Today’s word:
purple

I don’t actually know if today is going to be rough and miserable, but chances are I’m going to have hard day.

As I mentioned in passing Saturday, I am having a difficult time gauging my depression. Work is incredibly busy, so I’m exhausted by the end of the day. But I love what I’m doing, so it’s a good kind of exhaustion. On the other hand, I have been having issues with my OCD, probably because of the stress I’m under at work.

I feel kinda bad, because most of my posts are being written Sunday night, and I’m relying heavily on following patterns and posts that follow a regular weekly schedule. Mostly because my brain is fried and I feel incapable of being creative right now–at least in writing. I have to admit that I’m still pleased with the flower pr0n I took over the weekend. I think it’s because it uses a different part of my brain.

And there are plenty of things that are making me smile. My flowers are doing very well, and I’m able to sit back and enjoy them (which is good, because the idea of doing actual gardening right now is overwhelming).

I also re-read a fantasy series that I love (Thursday’s post will be all about that) and although Anne tormented me by suggesting making oreos, which I’m too tired to do right now, I did make a very delicious pizza (Tuesday’s post)

But what do I really want right now? A vacation. I’d love to be able to get away for a week and do nothing but relax. I’ll just have to see what happens though, since July is the only time Michael can get away from work.

So, enough about me, how have you been?

Doing laundry of course, but also ripping some of my CDs. Not all–that’s too overwhelming of a task, but some of them. So I no longer flip through the CDs going, “Oh! Stevie Ray Vaughan!”

So far today:
Cowboy Junkies
Marty Friedman
Soundgarden
Toadies
XTC
Kevin Ford
Michael Penn

We also brushed Kat. He likes to be brushed right up until he hates it and pitches a hissing snarling fit. Fun.

And I want to finish my book today. But I have a feeling I’m more likely to fall asleep than read. I’ve still pretty damned tired, which is why I’m unable to gauge my depression. Ah well.

ADDENDUM the First:
Now I’ve ripped:
Aine Minogue
Leahy
Taliesin Orchestra
The Mediaeval Baebes
Enya
Dead Can Dance
and finally, Stevie Ray Vaughan

Now I’m making pizza. Mmmm!

Busy. Tired. Incoherent.

Nope, that’s not your word. Your word is…

exhausted

Today was an early day, and Wednesday is going to be even worse.

Then, to add lemon juice to the paper cut, Michael has to go to North Carolina for work. We’re still trying to figure out how I’m going to get the car tomorrow.

To top it all off, I think the battery is going on my laptop. Boo hiss! Yes, I know I can buy another one, but that’s not the POINT, now is it?

Oh, and I walked 14500 steps today–that’s almost seven miles.

Farmer’s Market (fresh eggs, Rustic Italian bread, and a tomato)
Grocery shopping
Recycling center (We filled the trunk and the entire back seat, mostly with cardboard and #1 plastic)
Fish market (wild sockeye salmon is in season!)
Lunch

Now off to take Grandmom to the grocery store.

Then, if I’m lucky, reading and a nap later (still re-reading Sergei Lukyanenko’s Night Watch series).

Yup. Still busy, but you have no idea whether this post was written Wednesday or Sunday! (Though you can probably guess, all things considered.)

Ready? Set?

gray