At the beginning of November I received one of those phone calls you dread–a friend was dead. She hadn’t shown up for work, and a co-worker went to her apartment where they discovered she had died over the weekend.

As we called other friends to tell them of the loss, we heard the same question again and again, “what happened?”

We didn’t know.

Over the course of the day we learned various details. She’d not been feeling well that week, and her coworkers and family had been worried about her. The thought was maybe she had pneumonia or an asthma attack, but those were all guesses. We wouldn’t know anything until the medical examiner’s report.

We talked a lot about her in the following weeks. She’d been unemployed and underemployed for the past several years, and at one point thought she was going to lose her apartment. But in the nick of time, as she was boxing up her belongings, unsure where she was going to go, she got a job offer. It wasn’t full time with benefits, but it was enough to allow her to catch up on her rent and not have to move.

She liked her job, and was delighted after so much struggle to be working again. We’d been so happy for her. Happy because it finally looked like things were turning around for her.

Then suddenly, she’s dead, without warning.

Any death is hard, but somehow it seems so much harder when it’s unexpected.

It reminds you that life is short, and you should embrace what you have while you have it, for you never know what tomorrow will bring.

It also reminded us that if we never know what will happen tomorrow, it’s a good idea to make sure your passwords and bank accounts are available for whomever comes after you and has to put away the pieces of your life.

Somehow, two months have passed, though it hardly seems like it has been that long. But it has, and the family finally received word from the medical examiner.

It wasn’t asthma.

It wasn’t pneumonia.

It was metastatic cancer.

See, when you’re unemployed and underemployed, you don’t have health insurance. And when you don’t have health insurance, you just suck it up when you get sick.

Unfortunately, there are some things that won’t go away with time. Things that only get worse if they remain undiscovered and untreated.

Metastatic cancer.

If you’re not clear on the term, that means the untreated cancer–wherever it may have started–spread throughout her body.

Spread until it finally killed her.

We cannot know whether a diagnosis and treatment would have prolonged her life. Chances are they would have given her at least a few months if not years.

But I do know one thing for certain: If she had been diagnosed, she almost certainly would not have died alone, without the chance say goodbye to those she loved.

So when politicians and talking heads claim that health care isn’t a right, when they claim that we have no moral and ethical responsibility to provide for the medical needs of every citizen, this is what happens.

People die alone.

And those who love them never get the chance to say goodbye.

“If I saw (Lawrence Russell Brewer) face to face, I’d tell him I forgive him for what he did. Otherwise, I’d be like him. My mom forgave all three of them. My mom didn’t want violence anywhere.”
—Betty Boatner, sister of James Byrd Junior

“What a travesty it would be if they don’t uphold the death sentence. … It’s time for justice today. My family needs justice.”
—Joan MacPhail-Harris, widow of Mark Allen MacPhail

Here are some numbers:

Number of American children living in poverty (2009) 14,657,000 / 20.7%
Number of children in the US without health insurance (2008) 8,411,000
Number of children in the US who were food insecure (2007) 13,912,000
Infant mortality (2007) 29,138
Child deaths (2007) 10,850
Number of abortions in the US (2005) 1.2 million

Here are some comparisons:
Infant mortality < number of abortions Child mortality < number of abortions Children without health insurance > number of abortions
Children living in poverty > number of abortions
Children without adequate food > number of abortions

I often wonder about political priorities in light of what is really happening.

So, the solution to yesterday’s puzzle of sorts, was that the devil tweaks your brain to give you incredible new creativity, but that also gives you Alzheimer’s disease.

This week Eric is playing the oracle (or is it 20 questions?) and one of my off the cuff questions to him reminded me of something I read about a couple years ago.

The devil comes to you and says he can make a simple change that will spark your creativity and suddenly you’ll paint or write or create music with a skill you never had before. You do not have to sell your soul for this (but remember, this is the devil we’re talking about).

You can ask questions, but not unlimited questions. After all, he’s a busy nefarious individual and needs to get back to acquiring souls for eternal torment.

Do you take the deal?

ADDENDUM the First:
To clarify, it’s something specific I once ran across while perusing the medical literature.

This is hard to watch, but it’s also brave and wonderful and everyone should watch it.

Unfortunate events, though potentially a source of anger and despair, have equal potential to be a source of spiritual growth.
— Dalai Lama

Dear Teabaggers who are all up in arms about the Obama administration “destroying the constitution”, where the hell were you during the previous administration when Bush and his cronies were, you know, actually acting unconstitutionally?

Have you even READ the document you are so loudly and ignorantly defending?

Let’s start with one of the most egregious things the Bush administration did.

Here’s a section of the Constitution that delineates the powers of Congress (that’s Section 8 by the way):

To declare War, grant Letters of Marque and Reprisal, and make Rules concerning Captures on Land and Water;

Funny how Bush managed to skip that bit when it came to Iraq, isn’t it.

Then there was the issue of signing statements. Odd how nothing in Article 2 gives the president the right to say, “well, I know Congress passed the laws, but I’m telling you to ignore the law, just because I said so.”

Then let’s look at the Amendments, shall we?

Amendment 1 – Freedom of Religion, Press, Expression (this is the one that comes BEFORE the gun amendment.)

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

See that first part? You know what that means? Let me emphasize: no law respecting an establishment of religion. It means the United States is NOT a Christian nation, and attempts to make it one are unconstitutional.

Next part: abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press. This one’s a little less clear. They wanted the only reporters to be “embedded” reporters. The goal was to stop independent press coverage of the war. That was walking a very fine line IMO.

Moving on: Amendment 4 – Search and Seizure

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Two words for you here, warrant-less wiretaps.

Next up: Amendment 5 – Trial and Punishment, Compensation for Takings

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

No one may be deprived of life, liberty, or property without due process of law.

Let me add to that: Amendment 6 – Right to Speedy Trial, Confrontation of Witnesses

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence.

So, the above amendments are referring to citizens, and in theory, non-citizens do not have such rights. However, lets go back to the rights of the administrative branch. He shall have Power, by and with the Advice and Consent of the Senate, to make Treaties.

What this means is we have treaties that govern how we can treat non-citizens, prisoners of war, etc. The Geneva Convention is one of the most famous, but there are other laws and treaties that govern how non-citizens should be treated.

Then we have the fools who believe that the Constitution is NOT a living malleable document and should never have been modified by succeeding generations (Despite Article 5 of the Constitution which clearly delineates the process for creating and ratifying Amendments). Fools like Sarah Palin would would not be able to vote if we followed the Constitution as it was originally written.

I rather like the right to vote and not be a second class citizen. I’m funny like that.

So what are these conservatives up in arms about? They’re enraged that liberals such as myself believe that all Americans–not just the rich–deserve access to health care.

Funny how those conservatives who claim that the United States is a Christian nation seem to be missing some important points of Christianity.*

Perhaps they need to read their bibles instead of just thumping them. But since they clearly can’t read the constitution, I have little hope for them.

* See: Deut. 26:5-9, Luke 4:16-21, Ps. 140:12, Is. 25:4, Ps. 10:14, Is 41:17, Luke 6:20-21, James 2:5, Deut. 15:7, Deut. 26:12, Lev. 19:19, Prov. 31:8, Is. 58:66, Jer. 22:3, Luke 12:33, Luke 3:11, Mt. 5:42 etc

For going out to counter-protest the Westboro “Baptist Church” and braving the cold to do so.

Y’all are the best!

I’m not really back yet.

I mean, I’m posting some, but I don’t think I’m ready to go back to daily posts. I’m still tired, and I still don’t feel like I have my head screwed on straight.

I’ve been on and off anti-depressants since I was 19. I think I’ve tried most of the SSRIs that are out there by now, and was on a tri-cyclic before that.

As I mentioned previously, I maxed out three different meds in a year’s time. Part of me is starting to wonder why I even bother–why deal with the weight gain and the TMJ and everything else if all I’m going to get is the ability to live from day today?

Yes, yes. I know. I’m not planning on stopping my meds (if nothing else, the withdrawal symptoms are an argument in and of themselves) but I am starting to wonder how effective they are.

The most frustrating part is that despite doing everything right, I still feel as if my mood is at least partially out of my control. I exercise regularly. I’m active. I have a relatively healthy diet. I make a point to do activities I find relaxing. Yet it still feels like it’s getting away from me.

I suppose part of the problem is that there are issues that are out of my control; I can (and do) talk about those issues, but in those cases I am dependent upon others taking action (or not), which sometimes sabotages my efforts. (Before you ask, no, there isn’t anything I can do about these situations. All I can do is try and cope the best I can.)

In junior high I was transferred to a Catholic school where we had prayer every morning. In retrospect, the choice for the daily prayer was a little odd, but perhaps we were given that daily recitation in hopes that later in life we could return to it as needed.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
(Reinhold Niebuhr)

Serenity, courage, and wisdom. I could do worse than to seek those three on a daily basis.

When I was listening to the news Sunday night, they played an interview with Ron Paul. I know people who think Ron Paul is the best thing since buttered bread, but after this interview I have even less of a clue as to why.

What stopped me in my tracks was Paul’s instance that “health care is not a right.”

Additionally, he said that insurance companies have every right to deny people on the basis of pre-existing conditions.

Over at Eric‘s place, we once jokingly referred to the conservative Republican policy as, “Fuck you, I’ve got mine,” after a conservative made the comment that he was perfectly happy with his health care and didn’t want the government to screw things up for him.

I cannot even wrap my mind around this mindset, because it is wrong on so many levels.

First and foremost, it boggles my mind that conservatives–most of whom claim to be Christians–believe so strongly in karma. According to conservatives, if someone doesn’t have health care (or a job, or whatever) it’s because they are lazy, or they don’t work hard enough, or they did something bad to cause their current state.

Second, that attitude–fuck you, I’ve got mine–pretty much goes against the New Testament. I don’t think the take of the Good Samaritan implied that if someone can’t afford health insurance they don’t deserve medical care. My understanding is that we are expected to help others, regardless of who we are, who they are, and what they have done.

Third, such a policy is narrow-minded in the extreme. No just on a financial level, but on a public health level. The fact this attitude is concurrent with a possible flu pandemic shows just how incapable some of these people are of seeing beyond their own noses.

The fact these individuals can hold such mutually exclusive ideas in mind (Christianity and refusal to accept the need to universal health care) leads me to wonder about the mental strain that is required to keep such mutually exclusive ideas in the same brain.

I Am A: Chaotic Good Elf Wizard (5th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength-11
Dexterity-10
Constitution-12
Intelligence-16
Wisdom-14
Charisma-14

(more…)

There have been a huge number of lies thrown about recently regarding end-of-life care and the health system in the United States. I’d like to take some time to address this issue.

Most people would like to spend their final days and hours in their homes, perhaps lying in bed, surrounded by their family and friends and the sounds of the voices of their loved ones one.

That, however, is not the reality for many people. What often happens instead is the dying individual is in a hospital, hooked up to machines, and the sounds of beeping and whirring medical machines–or even the sounds of arguing over what the patient truly would have wanted to happen at the end of their live.

But who knew what they really wanted? If the subject was never brought up, this burden is placed upon loved ones who must guess what it is their mother or grandfather or sister of lover wanted. Did they want to be allowed to drift off quietly? Or did they wish instead to “not go gentle into that good night,” utilizing all that medical science has available?

If a discussion is not had, then loved ones must make the agonizing decisions regarding what they hope and believe the dying would have wanted.

And it can be worse than that. One sibling may believe a parent would want to be allowed to die peacefully, while another may just as strongly believe that all measures should be taken to keep the parent alive.

These are discussions that can tear a family asunder and create irreconcilable rifts and animosity.

When your doctor wants to discuss end-of-life care with you, it is these issues she wants to discuss. She does not want to force you to end your life against your will, she instead wants you to make your wishes known to her and to your family, so that these decisions can be made in accordance with your will, instead of in a panic of grief.

Take a moment and think. How do you envision the end of your life? What do you want? What do you want to have happen to your body? Would you like your organs to be donated? Would you prefer to be cremated or buried? Do your loved ones have any idea what your wishes would be at the end of your life? Ask them. You may be surprised at their answers–as well as at their own wishes.

When your doctor asks about end-of-life planning, it is to facilitate such discussions. It is to keep your loved ones from having to make such decisions for you, through their grief, with only vague ideas from long ago discussions to guide them.

It is to be compensated for such discussions that end-of-life discussions were entered into the Health Reform Bill. Currently, many insurers do not pay doctors for such discussions. Add to that the fact that many doctors never learned how to discuss such matters with their patients, and you have a situation where doctors do not initiate these discussions with their patients, and where decisions are left unmade until it is too late for the patient to have any input.

Please discuss your wishes with your family and physician, and please, when you hear someone ignorantly spout nonsense about death panels, gently educate them as to what end-of-life care truly is, and how much of a difference it can make in the lives of the dying and their families.

Our deaths are inevitable. How our last days and hours are spent is not.

The West Virginia Center for End-of-Life Care

There was an interesting interview on NPR last night with John Waters. An article he wrote for the Huffington Post on Leslie Van Houten.

Yes, the Manson Girl.

I know the La Bianca kids don’t have a mother around anymore partly because of my friend Leslie. No matter how patient Leslie or her supporters are, we know this terrible fact will never change. But when, if ever, will there have been enough punishment?

Listening to John Waters discuss the case of Leslie Van Houten set of two similar trains of thought.

First, which was brought up by John Waters, is: would she have been released on parole years ago if she had not been a Manson Girl? The crimes committed by the Mason Family were horrific, no one is debating that, but should she be judged as an equal of Charles Manson, or instead as a young woman who was completely under the sway of a charismatic and evil mad man?

That brings us to the other question, which is what type of society are we? Are a society that seeks retribution from criminals? Or a society that seeks to rehabilitate criminals? I have always been struck by that fact that the very people who claim they want to live in a Christian society are the same people who clamor for the death of murders, and seek a return to the chain gang and corporal punishment.

Would Leslie Van Houton still be in prison if she had not been a Manson Girl, and if the Manson case were not seared in the minds of Americans?