NOTE: I apologize. I know I’ve not covered everyone, but this is where things led me. I’ll try and rectify my exclusions later.

You were asking about the UCF? Here’s a scrapbook of headlines and articles that tell the story.

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Once again, the UCF is playing games.

Jeri came up with the idea of writing headlines for the members of the UCF.

Of course you don’t have to be a member of the UCF to do so, and are thus welcome to post your headlines about me here.

Because I’m a difficult person, I’ll be posting my stories/headlines here. Things are pretty busy, but I’ve been writing snippets all morning whenever a have a few moments of free time (and I do mean moments, it’s been pretty busy). I’ll post them when I get a batch done.

And here’s Jeri’s headline for me:

Earning a sizeable reward from the FBI for spotting and turning in a top-ten most wanted fugitive annoying users in her computer lab, Michelle recently took a leave of absence to prepare for and win the the Ghirardelli Chocolate Bake-off. She was awarded the Mythopoeic Fantasy award for her novel Toasters in the Night, and notably thanked her friends in the UCF for inspiration and non-linear ideas.

Oh, I forgot to mention that there’s another round robin (w)riting game going on.

Sign up and comments at Nathan’s place.

The story of Charlotte Misner. I wrote Chapter 4.

Everyone knows the story of Tom Thumb. Some even know that it was Tom Thumb’s father who first said, “Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.”

What is less well know are Tom’s exploits as a young adult in the years before he met, courted, and then married Thumbelina. (What? You didn’t know that? That’ll teach you to believe everything you read in fairy tales.)

You’d think the incident with the fish would have taught him a lesson, yet Tom decided to take to sea, and signed on with a pirate ship. Tom and his pet Raven acted as watch, ranging out to find booty ships. (There wasn’t a British Navy at that point, so for true adventure everyone know you had to become a pirate). For a couple of years they traveled far and wide, and eventually ended up pillaging the coast of the Orient.

This turned out to be a mistake as the Chinese ships were apparently made of sterner stuff that the Occidental ships they have been pillaging. The Captain and the First Mate were beheaded, and much of the rest of the crew were sold into slavery. However the cook, the Second Mate (who was a wizard at languages and quickly learned enough of the local lingo to converse with their captives, [and told them many tales, some of which may even have been true]), and Tom caught the attention of the Chinese captain and they were placed directly into his service.

The cook, whose talents had been wasted on the pirate captain, soon became close friends with Chinese Captain’s cook; together they created a fusion cuisine whose like would become popular centuries later in the New World–a land yet unknown except to the natives, and some Norsemen who weren’t sharing their secrets with anyone.

Tom, however, fascinated not just the captain, but the entire ship. With some small assistance from the Second Mate, Tom (who could already speak Raven) soon learned how to converse with the locals himself.

Upon learning that Tom considered himself something of a brawler, the Captain proposed a match between Tom and one of the members of the local rat population. After Tom handily won the bout, the Captain had made for him a sword and warriors outfit, and allowed Tom–from a safe height–to train with his warriors.

Soon, news of Tom’s exploits moved up the coast, and the Captain took to the seas again, this time to display Tom to the local Magistrates and then Provincial Governors. Eventually, Tom’s fame spread even across the sea, and they received a request to visit the Emperor of Japan.

Tom’s performance so delighted the Emperor, he invited Tom to stay with him for several months, and eventually gave him the title for which he became famous throughout Japan: Tom Thumb, Bonsai Warrior.

Confused? See here.

Thanks to John the Scientist for the inspiration.

To answer the question that wasn’t quite asked…
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I’ve finally been able to get up early to spend time writing first thing in the morning. I think the new alarm clock helps–the gradual light wakes me up gently, which is really nice.

Yesterday I didn’t even try to work on my story. This morning I got a couple paragraphs written. Not fantastic, but it’s a start. I think the biggest problem is that I’ve reached the point where specific things need to happen, so I have to work those specific things in, instead of just letting the story unfold as I have been.

But mostly it’s good to be up early and writing, even if only a little.

Sophie from Shinola. An explanation of sorts.

Part 1 – Nathan
Part 2 – Shawn
Part 3 – MWT
Part 4 – Eric
Part 5 – Matt
Part 6 – Jeri
Part 7 – Saqib
Part 8 – Me
Part 9 – Vince
Part 10 – Kimberly Ann
Part 11 – Tom
Part 12 – Kate
Part 13 – Justin Ryan
Part 14 – Bryan
Part 15 – Tania
Part 16 – C
Part 17 – Nathan
Part 18 – Shawn
Part 19 – MWT
Part 20 – Eric
Part 21 – Matt
Part 22 – Jeri
Part 23 – Saqib
Part 24 – Me
Part 25 – Vince
Part 26 – Kimberly Ann
Part 27 – Tom
Part 28 – Kate
Part 29 – Bryan
Part 30 – C
Part 31 – Justin Ryan
Part 32 – Tania

And we’re all contributing a final chapter–or most of us are anyway. Nathan said something about voting on which ending you like best, but I think you should just read everyone else’s take on the end of the story.

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The following is an excerpt from the story I’m writing, as requested by Vince, who provided me the name of the news station.

I was just going to give the news excerpt, but decided to publish the entire chapter instead. Maybe this will get me motivated to finish things up. (I just checked, I’m at 52k words right now-103 pages in Word.)

Strangely, the news bit came to me almost fully formed, and was a lot of fun to write.
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The aftermath, when it came, was unprecedented.

After years of seeing tweens and young girls tarted up like cheap trollops, the hammer came down with force.

In his state of the state address, the president said that if children wanted to dress like grownups, they’d have to act like grownups; any child found to be wearing adult themed clothing or using adult appliances in public, including mp3 players and phones that did more than make calls and came in colors other than primary, was to immediately be given a job. DVD players were allows as long as they were playing G rated material.

Overnight, sales of Osh Kosh B’Gosh went through the roof, and supply was unable to keep up with demand. Sales of Barbie plummetted as sales of rag dolls and stuffed animals went through the roof.

The only drawback was that rather quickly older teens and college students picked up the new style, and within a year, babydoll outfits, previously limited to a subset of manga and anime fans, were everywhere, which cause teen and twenty-something males no end of panic, as they constinually feared they’d accidentally hit on a thirteen year old instead of an eighteen year old. But even that had it’s bright side, as the scared men and boys became unfailingly polite, since they often couldn’t tell if the females around them were actual children or potential dating material.

(See here for something akin to an explanation.)

I’ve got nothing but busy today. So please share your non-sequiturs.

Additionally, I desperately want to keep writing while I’m tying to get up early enough to work on my other story, so what I really want are phrases our pictures that will set off a story for me. Please?

OK, so I was thinking more along the lines of this or this.

Not-Sophie limped up her thin body up to the large jowly man dishing out mealy, watery gruel.

“Please sir, may I have some more?”

“MORE?” the man yelled at the top of his lungs. The supervisor leaned out his window to start at the man. “Why of course you may,” the man growled, sounding like he’d eat nails then give her more food. “Only the best for our specials.” The word twisted in his mouth to something ugly as he spoke it, making not-Sophie think of maggots and slugs and poisonous snakes.

The big man leaned forward, being careful not to touch not-Sophie and whispered to her, “do you know what is going to happen to you? Do you?”

Not-Sophie started up at him and slowly shook her head.

“All you specials have a future ahead of you. You get extra resources now, but I can’t wait until the suffering begins, when they slowly tear your consciousness away from your body. I’ve heard it’s an extremely painful process. Sometimes if I listen carefully I can hear your screams during the night.” He leaned even more closely to her. “Your time is soon,” he hissed.

Not-Sophie gave a small scream and jumped back. The pot of boiling gruel suddenly leapt up and upended itself over the fat man’s head. As he screamed in pain, not-Sophie ran from the cafeteria back to the dormitory, and crawled under the covers, sobbing quietly to herself.

She never saw the fat man again. But everything he told her was true. Sometimes she cursed him for that, other times she blessed him. Either way, he was long gone, and she was changed far more than even he could imagine.

What is this? It’s Sophie from Shinola.

When we last saw our heroes:

(Blink/Sophie) moved blindly from one corridor to another until something in Sophie’s mind clicked. “Wait, turn back,” she said. “Go down that last corridor we just past. Something tells me that the weapons systems control will be that way.”

Green fire and black smoke billowed from the heap of rubble that had been Sophie’s home. Mission accomplished, not-Sophie painfully limped the air, pushing its faltering propulsion system just ahead of the shock wave.

It messaged the local agent. “This is Dreadnought UCF-17 ‘Sophie’ calling Mowat Goldmember. This is a code 99 request for immediate support.”
…
Meanwhile, not-Sophie1 targeted the nearest wormhole, threaded the gap, then accerated toward the familiar scan signatures of the Tragethan fleet.

Blink/Sophie’s body had been badly beaten. The failed attempt at disabling the weapons systems control had alerted the Trageth. Their security forces immediately took action and quickly apprehended the intruders. The Trageth were not known for their kindness and used harsh methods when interrogating prisoners. Sophie’s conscious had to recede and allow Blink’s to take over during the ordeal. His firm resolve enabled him to withstand the brutal beating yet not reveal any critical details of his mission.
…
A gigantic dreadnought clambered into the room. “Agent 2375 I am SpaceForce dreadnought UCF-17 I have been dispatched for your immediate retrieval.” The mega machine’s sensor’s surveyed its surrounding “Come with me if you want to live.”

And now, to continue our story…
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Not-Sophie rematerialized and then pulled her six-shooter out of the ether. She stared at Nathan while tapping the long nails of her other hand against her metallic hip.

Click click click click. Click click click click.

“Really Nathan,” she said firmly, “I thought we had moved past all this.”

Nathan stared defiantly at not-Sophie. “Past what?” he said. “You’re not real! You can’t do any actual damage to me! Besides, it’s only a game!”

Not-Sophie continued tapping her nails.

Click click click click. Click click click click.

“It may be a game to you sir, but I’m the one who has to spend all the energy rematerializing every time you blow me up for your amusement.” She looked at Nathan like he was something unpleasant she’d discovered on the bottom of her shoe in a dark, dank, dirty alley. “Sure, I can continue to rebuild myself infinitely, but it gets old rather quickly.”

Click click click click. Click click click click.

“Come on,” said Nathan. “No harm done. It’s not like it’s costing you anything.”

“Not costing my anything?” not-Sophie replied, one fine eyebrow rising slightly. “Look how many parts of the story I have NOT been in! How am I supposed to save the children of that nasty little planet you created if you keep killing me and keeping me from my job?

Click click click click. Click click click click.

Not-Sophie shifted her weight, and slammed the six-shooter into the holster that suddenly appeared on her hip. Her eyes shifted from cold steely-blue to fiery steely-green. “I’m serious. Stop trying to kill me. I’ve got work to do, and your little machinations are becoming an annoyance.

And with that not-Sophie disappeared, leaving behind only the sound of her nails tapping against her hip.

Click click click click. Click click click click.

We’ve ordered a bunch of new toys recently, for a variety reasons.

First up, we got pedometers. I chose the Omron HJ-112 Digital Premium Pedometer, because not only do they count steps, but they also calculate the number of miles you walked and the number of calories you burn. It also can calculate aerobic steps versus regular steps. Right now I have 10962 steps, which it calculates as 5.19 miles, but this is actually low, since my stride when I walk for exercise is slower than my casual stride. But since I know I walk approximately a 15 minute mile, I can just calculate that separately. It also tells me I’ve burned 361 kcals, but that just seems depressing.

AMENDUM the First:
One problem with it. To keep it from counting moving around, it doesn’t start counting until you’ve been walking for four seconds. This means that few of the steps I took today while teaching counted, since most of them were walking back and forth between the computer and the screen. So on my feet for two hours, but only a couple hundred steps.

But I can live with that.

I also ordered two Energy Saving Smart Strips With Autoswitching Technology. What the heck does that mean? It means that we can plug the computer into the control plug, the plug all the peripherals into other plugs, and when we turn off the computer, the other plugs for the monitor, scanner, etc have their power cut, so they don’t use energy. We’re thinking about getting one for the TV, but are not sure if that’ll cause problems for my grandmother. (i.e. will remotes etc work?)

And although it hasn’t arrived yet, I have great hopes for the Bio-Brite SunRise Digital Alarm Clock Dawn / Dusk Simulator Clock with White Noise. I believe I complained to great extent last much about how much I hate daylight savings time. The biggest problem for me is that I have great difficulty getting up when it’s dark. It just seems terribly wrong somehow. (I also don’t sleep well when it’s light, which is why the bedroom window facing the road has a blackout shade.) My hope is that this will allow me to get up earlier in the morning. Not just because relaxing mornings are nice, but because the morning is the best time for me to write, so I have written nothing on my novel/story/whatever since Christmas. We’ll see what happens, but keep your fingers crossed for me.