So.

One of the things that briefly came up with the doctor at my last visit was caregiver burnout.

In that it may be contributing to my inability to get my OCD and anxiety under control.

Here’s the thing. My grandmother doesn’t require nursing or skilled care. She is capable of performing most ADL (activities of daily living) on her own, so it’s not physically taxing.

Which makes me feel (of course) guilty about thinking I might have caregiver burnout, since I don’t physically have to do anything.

But it is emotionally draining, and I need to give myself permission to be accepting of that.

It’s a hard thing though, because it’s a different form of weakness than I’m used to admitting to, and it feels like something I should be able to manage.

There are other things, of course, but they fall under the realm of things that I Will Not Discuss Here (things involving other people).

But that’s where I am–trying to deal with this new realization, and see if I can come up with some other solutions to my add to what I’m already doing to keep myself on an even keel.

Why yes, I did marry a mutant. Michael reads the instruction manuals on EVERYTHING.

I’m the one that refuses to read instructions or ask directions.

But who cares about instructions? I’ve got cinnamon bread rising right now!

It’s 73 and sunny outside–perfect weather for the game we’re listening to on the radio.

Pizza is ready to go when my Dad and brother get here.

All around lovely day so far.

Cats around here have two modes: adorable and insane. Sometimes the two coincide, but not always.

I am delighted by the changes I made to the main page of my site.

Go ahead and refresh!

And really, you should be using a browser other than IE. Because IE is evil.

I started reading Jane Lindskold quite by accident. I’d seen–and even picked up–her Wolf series, but was just never in the mood to start a multi-book series, so the books languished and I soon forgot about her.

However, at a trip to the bookstore I ran across Brother to Dragons, Companion to Owls and was intrigued by the title. Then I read the paragraph:

“Morning falls on the just and the unjust,” I observe, and the nurse smiles politely and continues brushing my hair. Betwixt laughs from where I clutch him in my hands, Between, snores. He is not a morning dragon. “Turn us over Sarah,” Betwixt coaxes, and I do this carefully, balancing the four stubby legs in my pant leg just above the knee. Betwixt growls approvingly, “That’s a good girl. Now, be a love and scratch in front of my left horn, right above the eye ridge.” I do this, studying my friend as I do. Betwixt and Between are a two-headed dragon. They are small as dragons go, standing only ten inches long from barrel chest to tail tip. They also have blue scales, red eyes, and faintly smell of strawberries.

Sarah–and those with whom she has lived for years–are being released from the asylum after budget cutbacks have lead them all to be deemed capable of functioning on society. Her past is unknown, and she can communicate only by repeating verses (the bible, Shakespeare) that seem a suitable response to the situation.

I ended up reading the book in a single sitting.

I then looked for more books by Jane Lindskold, and came across Child of a Rainless Year.

Mira is the only daughter of Colette Bogaty, the town eccentric: She dresses in a style more fitting to a previous century. Mira also has an unusual childhood, growing up with such a mother, but when her mother disappears her life changes completely and absolutely. But for the most of the book, Mira is a frumpy middle aged woman who after the death of her adopted parents, decides she wants to discover her past and what happened to her mother.

Again, I didn’t want to put the book down, and was completely engrossed in the story.

Now both of these stories, as well The Buried Pyramid, despite their descriptions, are fantasy. The world of these books is almost–but not quite–our world. These are not multi-book epic fantasies, but instead are stories told over the course of a single book.

I love books like this.

I still haven’t read her wolves series, again, because I’m not in the mood for “epic” fantasy. And I’m one book into a series her Thirteen Orphans series, but I’m moving slowly, because I had getting into an unfinished series.

But the two books I’ve mentioned above? Both are absolutely fabulous, and you should check them out if you are looking for something different to read.

Brother to Dragons, Companion to Owls (1994), The Buried Pyramid (2004), Child of a Rainless Year (2005), Thirteen Orphans: Breaking the Wall (2008)

Here’s your weekly does of word association.

Today’s word: five

Lack of Paid Sick Days May Worsen Flu Pandemic

Public health experts worried about the spread of the H1N1 flu are raising concerns that workers who deal with the public, like waiters and child care employees, are jeopardizing others by reporting to work sick because they do not get paid for days they miss for illness.

You mean there are people who don’t realize those cooking and serving your food always come to work as long as their able to remain upright and stumble forward?

All I can think is, “no shit!” Where the hell have y’all been?

Let’s change things up a little shall we?

I read two articles in less than a week on cinnamon (in Body & Soul and Cooks Illustrated), and that made me realize that I may have something to say about ingredients as well as food.

There are actually two types of cinnamon. American cinnamon, or cassia cinnamon, and Ceylon cinnamon, or the cinnamon the rest of the world uses. There is also Saigon cinnamon, which is closely related to cassia.

I’m not sure that I’ve ever had Ceylon cinnamon, but apparently cassia is a more vibrant spice than Ceylon, so it’s possible I might find it disappointing.

What makes cinnamon such an interesting (to me anyway) spice, is that it actually has health benefits. Some studies have found that cassia cinnamon may help some diabetics maintain their blood sugar levels, and may also have an affect upon blood cholesterol.

Please note, however, that in large doses cinnamon can cause liver damage in some people, and you should probably limit your intake to about 1/3 teaspoon a day. (Which as far as I am concerned is a lot of cinnamon.)

Most people are familiar with cinnamon in baked goods as a sweet spice, but it can also be used as a savory spice.

I of course use it most frequently in baking. I love cinnamon rolls and cinnamon bread, and I can’t think of an apple dish that doesn’t have cinnamon.

I also put cinnamon in our morning oatmeal and my morning tea.

Regarding cinnamon and any other spice, if it’s been in your cupboard for more than a year, throw it away. Spices are volatile, which means the compounds that give the spices their flavor disappear relatively quickly. So check your spice cupboard and if you don’t remember buying your cinnamon, throw away the container and buy a new one. Then write the date on the bottom with a sharpie, so you’ll know next time.

Me? I tend to replace spices around Christmas, which is when I do the most baking.

Day of the Dead

I’ve ruminated before about the somewhat unhealthy attitude Americans have towards death.

Don’t misunderstand me, death is a painful thing for those who survive. Loss–whether unexpected or not–is a hard thing, and even though we may live on past the death of those we love, a small part of us dies with them.

This is not to say we are reduced by every loss we suffer; it’s not a zero sum game, for new people are new relationships will enter our lives, and although they cannot replace those we have lost, they don’t need to.

But back to El Día de los Muertos.

The Day of the Dead is celebrated–and I do mean celebrated–in Mexico and by those of Mexican in the US. It is in some ways similar to the Celtic belief of Samhain, in that it is believed our world is close to another world, and for this time the ghosts of the dead are able to return.

This return, however, is not a haunting as most Americans would probably initially think. The dead are not vengeful and coming back to torment the living, but instead the living decorate the graves of their loved ones, setting out their favorite foods, as well as skull candies and cookies.

What I like is it gives you a chance to remember the good things about those who died. To remember the things that made you laugh, and the things you loved.

When I die, I don’t want people to wail and mourn my loss, but I want them instead to laugh and celebrate my life. And although there are some who would like their passing to be rung out with a wailing and gnashing of teeth and rending of garments, for the most part I don’t believe that those who loved us would want us to suffer at their passing.

So today, I ask you to remember those who have died: to remember what you loved and what made you laugh. Take today as a day to celebrate their lives, not to mourn their loss.

Today I remember:

Beth Cave, my grandmother. She loved football and made marvelous mincemeat tarts.

Bob Cave, my grandfather. He loved trains, and every winter would put a board on the pool table in the basement and set up tracks for HO scale trains, including houses and bridges.

Well, exciting and expensive.

Saturday we got a new range. 30″ Kenmore Elite Range (white). Michael researched everything in our price range, and this was the top rated stove we could afford. It’s got five burners, five racks, and convection.

Even better, we got it 12 months same as cash. (Here’s not never paying interest!)

It’s to be delivered next Sunday.

I’m wondering how many things I’ll ruin till I get used to the convection?

Today, I got a new laptop.

HP Pavillion dv6, and 18 months same as cash for payment. (Woot!)

Getting a laptop was almost more complicated than buying a new stove. You see, I’m a lousy typist. So all those laptop keyboards with the page up/page down etc buttons to the right of the enter key are a nightmare for me, since I’m constantly hitting them. That significantly reduced the number of options available; primarily to Sony, Asus, Lenovo, and HP, and not all all models of those brands.

After spending an evening looking at specs and reading reviews, I had a couple models I thought would be good.

Since Amazon didn’t have any of those models with 6 or 12 months same as cash financing, we wandered off to Best Buy, where they had the Sony, Asus and HPs I was considering, but no Lenovos. Which is too bad, because for the most part I have liked my Think Pads (though my favorite, the T41, was actually made by IBM before they gave the Think Pad line to Lenovo.)

After about 20 minutes of back and forth, I finally settled on the HP Pavillion. 15.6″ screen, and extended keyboard.

I’m in love!

Of course, I’m tying this on my old old desktop in the basement, since I’m supposed to be down here doing bills.

Including all the ridiculous purchase we made this weekend.

Perhaps I’d better get back to this bills…