Guards! Guards!

Guards! Guards! (1989) Terry Pratchett (Discworld, #8; City Watch #1)

This is the first book with Captain Vimes, and Carrot, yes, but we also get lots of THE LIBRARIAN! (OOK!)

Very senior librarians, however, once they have proved themselves worthy by performing some valiant act of librarianship, are accepted into a secret order and are taught the raw arts of survival beyond the Shelves We Know. The Librarian was highly skilled in all of them, but what he was attempting now wouldn’t just get him thrown out of the Order but probably out of life itself.

‘Well, it’s something. Let me know if any other strange things happen, won’t you?’ Vimes looked up at the banks of shelves. ‘Stranger than usual, I mean.’

‘Oook.’

‘Thank you. It’s a pleasure to meet a citizen who regards it as their duty to assist the Watch.’

The Librarian gave him a banana.

And SO MUCH commentary about people.

There was a thoughtful pause in the conversation as the assembled Brethren mentally divided the universe into the deserving and the undeserving, and put themselves on the appropriate side.

They avoided one another’s faces, for fear of what they might see mirrored there. Each man thought: one of the others is bound to say something soon, some protest, and then I’ll murmur agreement, not actually say anything, I’m not as stupid as that, but definitely murmur very firmly, so that the others will be in no doubt that I thoroughly disapprove, because at a time like this it behooves all decent men to nearly stand up and be almost heard . . .

But no-one said anything. The cowards, each man thought.

‘Well, well,’ he said. ‘So we’re privy councillors now. Just fancy.’

‘Hmm,’ said the assassin.

‘I wonder what’s the difference between ordinary councillors and privy councillors?’ wondered the merchant aloud.

The assassin scowled at him. ‘I think,’ he said, ‘it is because you’re expected to eat shit.’

I love this book so very much.

Publisher: HarperCollins
Rating: 9.5/10

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