Some flowers that were blooming while we were in Baltimore over the weekend.

Let me be clear–most areas of WV in which I travel are pretty litter free. Student areas in Morgantown? Not so much. But I don’t see a ton of litter when I’m out and about. So there is a good possibility that a good deal of the trash is from flooding rather than littering.

And there is a LOT of organic matter there as well, which is of course no ones fault.

But there is still a lot of trash in there–non-biodegradable trash–and that is a problem.

Unlike a lot of other places in the US (or the world I suppose) there are many many areas of WV that have been abandoned.

Mines stopped producing and not only was the equipment left to rust in place, but the camps surrounding the mines slowly crumbled as well.

Mountains were clear-cut of all trees, and the logging towns that had sprung up around them were deserted.

Then after the people left, the forests came back, hiding all but the most massive of structures. But even those structures are slowly being taken back by nature.

Because we have hiked so much of WV, I’ve seen many of these places. You’ll be hiking along and unexpectedly come across a chimney, or a rusted barrel, or the foundation of building, or railroad ties, all but hidden by the soil and moss and trees.

Or a cemetery. There are hundreds (perhaps thousands) of small cemeteries scattered throughout the state, where homesteaders and pioneers buried their dead, sometimes with carved tombstones.

Sometimes just with stones.

But the engravings eventually erode away, leaving just a rough stone, the names and dates and verses gone with the snow and the rain.

I try to stop at these hidden and nearly lost cemeteries when I come across them. I think about how it’s been generations since anyone remembered the sound of their voices.

Yet even as the structures crumble and names are washed away, every spring I stumble across the reminder of homes when all that is left is uneven ground.

What I find in the woods are patches of daffodils, thriving and spreading, marking out yards where someone once planted bulbs so they would have flowers at the end of winter. And so I find a tiny bit of beauty in the woods, appearing every spring and then disappearing, like the homes they decorated.

And I like that.

I like that even as buildings and names and dates disappear into time, these spots of yellow appear every spring.

I like the reminder that even if we are completely forgotten, something still remains. Beauty at the end of winter, coming back year after year.

(Some of the pictures I’ve taken at the cemeteries I’ve come across and some of the pictures I’ve taken of decaying structures and items.)

The arboretum is FULL of wild flowers right now!

Trillium

Dutchman’s Breeches, Dicentra cucullaria

Spring Beauties, Claytonia virginica

Virginia bluebells, Mertensia virginica

Trout Lily, Erythronium americanum

As much as I love the Morgantown Farmers Market, I *hate* their winter market hours. 11 AM on a Saturday means we can EITHER go to the market OR go somewhere and go hiking.

Despite the beautiful weather, we went to the Farmers Market, so we needed a close place to hike on Saturday, so we ended up at Snake Hill WMA (Wildlife Management Area). There are multiple logging / gas / access roads and multiple trails off them. The trails are unmarked and not blazed, but they had enough use to be pretty obvious.

The trail we set out to hike–the Canyon Rim trail–has four overlooks: Table Rock, Lake View, Middle View, and River View. For trails and overlooks that are not maintained, three of the four had excellent views. We also only came across one other group of hikers, which for a beautiful Saturday afternoon, was nice. (At Coopers Rock on nice days there are a constant stream of people; it’s nice people are visiting the forest, but not nice for relative solitude.)

Location: Snake Hill WMA
Trails: Canyon Rim, Cheat View, Little Hoop, Big Dipper, Northside Trails
Distance: 3.8 miles
Elevation: 1715-2342 feet (698 feet elevation rise)

Facing west towards Cheat Lake (Lake View overlook)

Facing east towards Cheat River, Raven Rock is on the left (River View overlook)

Coopers Rock Overlook. I swear I’ve never noticed that giant rock down and to the right.

In Snake Hill WMA there is a small cemetery, with three gravestones, and one rock that might be a marker. All three males (ages 4, 17, 19) died in 1860, two in July and one in October.

Someone on FB linked to an article about the medical management of mental health disorders: What It’s Like to Know You’ll Be on Antidepressants for Life.

The essay starts out noting the following:

The notion that people who take medication for mental illness are weak seems rooted in internalized social stigma. There’s still this strange divide in thinking about mental illness, where much of society seems to dismiss those illnesses as somehow less “real” than ones that are considered “physical.”

That’s unfair, yet true. We’re not supposed to talk about mental health issues. It’s ok to have diabetes or high blood pressure but depression or anxiety are secrets to be kept. Issues to be hidden.

To believe that my mental health issues make me a weaker person than someone who has a physical health issue is absurd. Yet it’s a common belief: depression and anxiety are weakness that can just be overcome by hard work and the correct attitude.

Part of it I suppose is historical: Suicide was a mortal sin that would send you directly to hell, so wouldn’t that make the mental state that made you suicidal a moral failing as well?

Part of it might also have to do with many mental health issues being more common in women than men, and women have historically been seen as weaker, both physically and mentally.

But perhaps a greater part is because mental health issues are less visible. You get a cast with a broken limb. You get scars from surgery. I can show someone my scars and X-Rays from my broken ankle, but what do I have to display for more than 30 years of mental health issues?

(Life insurance rates three times higher than my husband’s because I was honest during my interview about my past aren’t really anything you can display as a wound.)

After Robin Williams died, I remember being enraged by people who couldn’t understand how he could be so weak as to take his own life.

Weak?

When I broke my ankle I didn’t cry–I wasn’t even certain at first I’d broken my ankle, because I was certain it wasn’t painful enough to be broken bones. Yet I have felt emotional pain that was so harsh it took my breath away. A misery so strong that all I wanted was for it to end because it was unbearable.

I knew I could take medicines for relief from physical pain, and that over time the wounds would heal and the pain would eventually be gone.

Mental anguish is different. When you’re given anti-depressants, you’re told they might take up to a month to work. And that some meds are better for some people than for others so what you’re taking might not make things better. And again it’ll be a month before you know for certain.

Know what? I’ve had meds that not only didn’t work, but actually made things worse. That took more than two months to resolve.

Two months of something that no one could see. Two months of something I was certain was a moral failing: A weakness on my part.

A weakness.

During pre-marriage counseling, one of the questions we were asked was whether we suffered from mental illness.

“Yes,” I said, “depression.” (At this time I hadn’t yet been diagnosed with anxiety or OCD, even though they had been part of the mix since the beginning.)

“Not like that,” the counselor replied, “they’re asking about serious illness.”

Here’s the thing: I’m lucky in that I’ve always been able to work through my depressive episodes. It may have been a struggle, but I was able to get out of bed and be physically, if not emotionally, present.

I know I will be on meds for the rest of my life. I’m fine with that, because I have a strange quirk where I remember feelings painfully clearly. I remember the angst of being a teenager. I remember the shame of being different and unable to fit in. I remember breathtaking misery of grief. I remember the feelings of all my mistakes and the belief I would never get past them. I remember how it feels to believe I was worthless. That I was unworthy of love. That all I ever have done is cause harm and create misery.

I don’t want to live with that agony in the here and now, so I’m glad to take meds.

My primary fear is not being able to recognize if the meds start to fail and I begin to slip backwards into the abyss.

My secondary fear is of failing to recognize someone else who is suffering. Of missing the person who thinks they are the only one who feels they way they do: lost and broken and unworthy.

Which is why I share things like this. Because we aren’t alone. These things aren’t moral weaknesses or failures. They’re just physiology, and even if it takes a while, these things can usually be fixed.

Because these issues might be permanent but they don’t have to control me.

Because we are more than our illnesses and because we can live through them and be happy.

You would think that a trail called the Canyon Rim Trail would have lots of views of the Blackwater Canyon.

You would be mistaken.

That doesn’t make this a bad trail, and there are views at either end: the Olsen Fire Tower at the Western end, and along the Allegheny Trail at the Eastern terminus.

The trail itself is part of the Allegheny Trail, which you can take through WV. It also means this trail is getting some extensive maintenance right now, to shore up sections that have become muddy messes.

Location: Monongahela National Forest
Trail: Canyon Rim Trail
Distance: 6.6 miles (out and back)
Elevation: 3162-3705 feet (994 feet gain)

Along the trail, this is as good a view as you get. And once the leaves are out, it’ll be even less.

It was a little steep in a couple of places, and rocky and muddy in other places, but it isn’t a difficult hike for anyone who is in shape.

You get to cross several streams, one of which has a “Stone Bridge”. Most of the crossings should not be problematic unless the water is extremely high or flash flooding.

But in addition to the very pretty creek crossings, if you do a little searching you can find the falls, which were absolutely lovely.

This is where we sat and ate our lunch, and then clambered around on the rocks.

And here’s the elevation graph of the hike.

Our third hike on Friday was also at Canaan Valley State Park, but on the ski area part of the park.

This trail was NOT created by or for hikers. It’s labeled a cross-country ski trail, but is not maintained as such. If you want the view at bald knob, I recommend taking the lift up to the top of the mountain, then hiking across to Bald Knob.

The problem are the portions of the trail that are for skiing down. Hiking up or down such a trail isn’t that fun (Michael got blisters, due the steep grade for a longer distance).

Location: Canaan Valley State Park
Trail: Bald Knob Mountain Trail
Distance: 4.6 miles (out and back)
Elevation: 3572-4336 feet (1000 feet gain)
Parts of the trail: 14% and 16% grades (or steeper)

But the view is lovely.

Here you are looking down into Canaan Valley.

No switchbacks here. Straight down you go.

The surprise was this:

Here you can look down the OTHER side of the mountain. It was kinda cool, although I cropped out the ugliness of where they took out all the trees. It’s not yet a mowed lawn, it’s just a clear-cut clearing. Which is not so attractive.

Someone (ie:me) forgot to turn on the GPS until we were part way up the mountain, so here’s the trip down, minus the leg up to the peak.

After dinner on Friday, we wanted an easy hike to stretch our legs out, so we did Lindy Point.

Michael has use-or-lose-leave, so we spent a long weekend in the Canaan area doing lots of hiking.

In the morning we hiked two trails: Blackwater River trail and the Middle Ridge trail. I have pictures from the one and data from the other.

Location: Canaan Valley State Park
Trail: Middle Ridge Trail
Distance: 2.3 miles (loop)
Elevation: 3331-3558 (483 feet gain)
Temperature: 66-74

The Middle Ridge Trail doesn’t have many scenic vistas, but it does go through several different kinds of areas, and goes by a bog–it’s dry right now, so I didn’t find anything picturesque about the bog, but on the plus side, our feet stayed dry.

I do love the Blackwater River Trail

Here is the elevation graph for the Middle Ridge Trail.

I read (and listened to) a number of great books this month–and even a bunch of new releases!

I listened (again) to Sergei Lukyanenko‘s Night Watch series so I could read the final book in that series, Sixth Watch. I really love that series and highly recommend it. On our drives were listening to Andrea Camilleri‘s Inspector Montalbano series (I’d been trying to get Michael to read it for years) and although Michael gets thrown by all the names (it’s easier for me to read because of that) it is a fun series. Although the earliest books are the best, I never regret reading even an average Andrea Camilleri mystery.

I read two good historical romances, which were extremely different from each other. KJ Charles’ series is MM and full of boinking, but the main character in An Unseen Attraction made the whole book. He’s half Indian, is neurodivergent, and both of those things made the story excellent, allowing for atypical issues between the heroes, and the historical setting adds an extra layer to the whole thing, since homosexuality was a crime. C.E. Murphy‘s Bewitching Benedict is almost a polar opposite, with no boinking and barely any kissing, but like An Unseen Attraction, the characters made the book, and I look forward to more books about the other characters in the story.

Fantasy, Urban

Sixth Watch (2015/2016) Sergei Lukyanenko translated by Andrew Bromfield 8/10 (Night Watch)

Fantasy, Supernatural

Burn Bright (2018) Patricia Briggs (Alpha & Omega)

Mystery, Police

The Temptation of Forgiveness (2018) Donna Leon 7/10 (Commissario Guido Brunetti)
The Killings at Badger’s Drift (1987) Caroline Graham 7.5/10 (Chief Inspector Barnaby)

Mystery, Historical

A Brush with Shadows (2018) Anna Lee Huber 7.5/10
A Conspiracy in Belgravia (2017) Sherry Thomas 7/10 (Lady Sherlock)
Bess Crawford
A Bitter Truth (2011) Charles Todd 7/10
An Unmarked Grave (2012) Charles Todd 7.5/10
A Question of Honor (2013) Charles Todd 5/10
An Unwilling Accomplice (2014) Charles Todd 5/10
A Pattern of Lies (2015) Charles Todd 5/10

Romance, Historical

An Unseen Attraction (2017) KJ Charles 8/10 (Sins of the City)
Bewitching Benedict (2017) C.E. Murphy 8/10 (Lovelorn Lads)

Audio Book

The Terra Cotta Dog, Audio Edition (1996/2002/2007) Andrea Camilleri translated by Stephen Sartaelli narrated by Grover Gardner 8/10 (Inspector Montalbano)
Night Watch
Day Watch, Audio Edition (1999/2006/2010) Sergei Lukyanenko translated by Andrew Bromfield and narrated by Paul Michael 9/10
Twilight Watch, Audible Version (2006/2007/2010) Sergei Lukyanenko translated by Andrew Bromfield narrated by Paul Michael 10/10
Last Watch, Audible Edition (2009/2010) Sergei Lukyanenko translated by Andrew Bromfield narrated by Paul Michael 9/10
New Watch, Audible Version (2012/2014) Sergei Lukyanenko translated by Andrew Bromfield narrated by Paul Michael 8/10

Short Story

Opal (2018) Maggie Stiefvater 7/10

And now: The stats!

eBook : 14
Audio : 5
Multiple Formats : 5
Re-read : 8

Not as many re-reads this month–and more than half of those were audio books (I can’t listen to fiction unless I’ve already read the book. No patience. But I love audio books when I’m walking on we’re on long car rides.) No paper books this month.

Fantasy : 7
Mystery : 10
Romance : 2
YA : 1

I’ve been in a mood for mysteries. I mean, I frequently am, but right now a good mystery (or even a story arc that’s a good mystery) will draw me in more than anything else.

Male : 6
Female : 8
Joint : 6

Female authors pull slightly ahead this month, but not that far ahead for the year.

And that’s the past month in books!

Yay reading!

The weather recently has been all over the place, but Saturday was beautiful, so we took the opportunity to go to Cacapon. (I was also hoping that there might be blooming flowers at Berkeley Springs.)

For all the rain we’ve had, the trails we hiked were weirdly dry–because they were so steep.

Location: Cacapon State Park
Trails: Ziler, Ziler Loop Trails
Distance: 5.5 miles
Elevation: 961-2273 feet (1800 feet gain)
Temperature: 58-67 F

0.6 mile of Ziler trail was 22.6% grade
Entire Ziler trail was 1.3 miles @ 17.6% grade with 1242 feet ascent

For all the elevation gain, there aren’t any decent scenic overlooks or views–the woods are thick and there what rock outcroppings there are don’t go above the treeline.

That doesn’t mean there isn’t a view, it just means there isn’t a photographable view.

At some point we’re going take the trail to Prospect Rock. But this trip we apparently wanted to torture ourselves with the Ziler trail.

Cacapon hike